Broke But Not Broken
I check my empty bank account
And wonder how am I gonna make it.
I look at those red numbers
And think I can no longer take it.
I have trouble breathing
Because I am barely staying afloat.
I wish someone would help me,
Come save me with a lifeboat.
The bills keep piling up,
The collection calls never stop.
How did I hit rock bottom
When I was so close to the top?
I look upon my child's face,
My happy and charismatic baby girl...
I broke my promise to her
Because I can't give her the world.
Christmas was my favorite holiday
Now I dread December 25th.
I can't afford what she deserves
Because it's hard to buy even one gift.
Birthdays are just as bad.
I can't celebrate my child's big day.
It's hard to disappoint my child
Because I never imagined it being this way.
I have to figure out which bill will be late
How much gas I will need to get me by
How much money I can use for food
It's so frustrating, I just want to cry.
That seems impossible
Because I've already cried two rivers.
Every time I try to swim upstream,
Currents keep pushing me downriver.
It breaks my heart to look at my child,
Oblivious to all the negative
And realize that my beautiful offspring
Is my main reason to live.
I laugh to keep from crying
And so many people don't even know
Just how bad my situation is;
All they know is what I choose to show.
I keep a smile on my face
So people won't ask too many questions.
I try so hard to stay positive
Living in this detrimental recession.
I've gotten to the point that I can't cry anymore
And I sit still with that Novacane feeling.
As I continue trying to hold out on faith,
I find myself constantly kneeling,
Praying to God asking for strength,
Asking for some way over this hump,
Believing He will fix my pain
And help me overcome my financial slump.
I looked around and wondered how some had it so easy,
How I'm the one that has to struggle and others don't
But then I realized, I don't know their story
So I try not to compare mine to the unknown.
I just have to keep my head up
Do my best to stay strong for my family.
I believe that God's got it
And He knows just what's best for me.
Copyright © Constance Gilmore | Year Posted 2012
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