Barricade

I forgot who I was and no longer know who I want to be
All I know is I have become a stranger
Who is this person who is supposed to be me

All of the dreams I once had faded away 
No longer important
Because I no longer feel the same way

All of the beliefs I once carried no longer are there
Everything I said I’d never do I’ve done
And I don’t even care

All of the people I cherished and trusted betrayed me
Everyone was made of plastic
How was I so blind not to see

I became a fool who lost game after game that I never wanted to play
Dealt a misdeal from the start
And believed that it was supposed to be that way

Afraid of the dark yet I hide from the light
Asleep all day 
And awake all night 

Afraid of dying alone yet unwilling to let anyone too close to my heart
As soon as they try
I push us apart

Sabotaging every chance of happiness I have ever found
Solitaire has become my best friend 
Since nobody is around

Alone I sit and wonder who I have become
I don’t understand who I am
I can’t explain how I feel and it makes me feel dumb

All alone I stopped crying because tears no longer fall
I no longer allow myself to feel
I just keep building this wall

Everyday I stack a brick on top of the one before
Leaving no room for windows
And not even a door

The brick wall I’ve been building has no means to break free
It barricading me inside 
And preventing anyone from reaching me
Copyright © | Year Posted 2020

Poem

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