Backwash

I closed my mouth around the words, felt my skeletons wash up against the shore of a silver tongue; Driftwood, laying still on the bank, charred and cracking open inside the swallow of shameful Determination. “I never wanted it to be like this, never thought it would go …this far" I watched your finger list its way around an empty highball glass, its fragility reminding us both of the damage of throwing stones in a house ready to shatter. I couldn’t look you in the eyes. Couldn’t let you see the poison forcing its way out. No matter, how badly I needed to feel anchored. I was better off; left to drown, than to pull you under the waves birthed by my lack of transparency. "I never wanted it to be like this, never wanted to bring you down.” I couldn’t look you in the eyes; as the light shined through the gleaming vessel wrenched in your palms, I ordered another round, Unable to stand the spectrum cast, the colors of truth, with nothing to hide. So, I finished my beer. Tasted the backwash cast back, from every selfish, thoughtless draft, and forced it down. The amber tint of the bottle reflected nothing; As volatile and opaque as the soul clinging to it. "I have to go, I’m sorry.” I left the money on the bar, hoping it was enough to sate our demons for the night. -James Kelley 2014, All rights reserved