Another Drop In the Glass

Another drop in the glass.

I see things from my past, which seemed happy but turn bad fast, seeing new faces around my house all the time, meeting crackheads at the age of 9, and the only thing i can do to alleviate my mind, is to write down a simple rhyme.

Hes kicked the hard drugs but drinks alone, has no ambitions just sits.... complains and moans.. the hero from my youth, getting more depressing as i grow, how to help him i do not know.

I hate it, as it turns me bitter, feeling like i cant help him, making me feel like a quitter. It brings sorrow it brings rage, and ALL I CAN ING DO IS WRITE ON THIS BLANK PAGE.

Im sorry, my anger gets the best of me sometimes, i try not to bring it out on others, its just hard because there is no one to talk to, not even my own mother. 

See they split when i was 4, didnt spare me any details though, put me in the middle of that war. "Your father is trash", "your mothers a cheat" do you really ing think thats what you should tell a 5 year old me? 

Its been awhile since this built up, but today was a breaking point i had to erupt, i feel like ive had enough emotions at 24, for 15 people it starts to destroy.. my psyche and everything that makes me.. me, because as far as i know history is gona repeat, the idea of a loving family is uncomfortable you see, because its not something in my history. 

Its sad... id like to be happy with kids and a wife, but i dont know how to feel when im presented that life, i deny it due to fear of me following that path, so instead i suffer from my own wrath

Pushing people away, living my life at bay, physically and emotionally, which i know is the wrong way. I cant seem to help it, and i cant seem to feel, emotionally numb as i try to appeal..

Appeal to the people in which i try to form a relation, but they dont want broken product, and i get hit with devastation. These are honest feelings coming from my heart, i wish there was a quick fix button, a restart.

But i know life doesnt go that way, so ill keep silent about it in my day to day.. a young man stuck living in his past as his father pours another drop in the glass.

Copyright © Downed Jester | Year Posted 2019

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