An Atheist's Mind

When I tie the noose, will you stop me from defying gravity, perhaps I shall hold my own hands whilst I try to descend high above the ground, and maybe when I fail, I'll put a  call through  to 911,  the pastor and the parson as I lay on the floor bleeding from the conk after the fall, will you put my splatted brain back in the right place, or after the h²o I inhale, i could lock my fingers on my chest and press and press and press and press and press, then I tilt my head back and give myself the kiss of life so I may egest  the  thing in which i pray brings my end, can you save me then?, how would you save me then?, they talk a big game when it comes to the love you share, but from the look of things i see how little you care, pages and pages of words that cause nothing but fear, i have too many questions and many different answers, I'm sorry but I cannot comprehend you promise a life of abundance but then again I see many of your followers living like pigs in a pen, I cannot compromise a life that is already unfair to play eni mini mani mo , which god should I choose to know and I would not be forced to apologise, I would not be forced to apologise, apologise because I refuse to be confused, I refuse to be cajoled , I refuse to be duped I've seen the promises you've made to your peoples, promises of love, life ,fulfilment, greatness but which one do I pick, which one is the right one, which one rolls a double six, because I want that, I want it all, the happiness, the joy, the love I want it all, is it too much to ask that you be direct, come to me here and now and show yourself, show me you are worth the gamble, whenever you are ready ,you know where to find me, where you supposedly made me to be.