Abandoned
I was hurting and lost, so many tears that I cried,
Needing you there, simply close by my side.
But while I was breaking beneath all that strain,
You worried what truth might dismantle or change.
Not what it cost me to finally speak,
Not how exhausted, frightened, and weak.
Your fear wasn't for the pain I'd endured,
But for the image you'd so carefully secured.
An old version of me was fading away,
Being buried in pieces day after day.
The girl who survived by denying her pain,
Had carried me far but could not remain.
I didn't know how to grieve who I'd been,
Or make sense of the losses unfolding within.
The life that I knew was slipping from sight,
While truth pulled me gently into the light.
I needed you then. More than words can explain.
I needed compassion to balance the pain.
A kindness so basic, it needed no plea.
Yet while I was drowning, you still blamed me.
As though I wasn't fighting to remember how to live,
With nothing left inside me and no more to give.
You demanded I consider what this was doing to you,
While I watched my own world split cleanly in two.
Why?
Why ask for my strength when mine was all gone?
Why ask me to carry you while barely hanging on?
Why ask me for comfort, for answers, for proof,
While grief tore apart every beam of my roof?
You hide behind stories and self-serving tales,
Claiming abandonment with more lies and wails.
Piling on guilt when I scarcely could tell,
If I’d survive what it took to escape from that hell.
You left me shattered with too much to grieve.
Then acted bewildered when I chose to leave.
Not because I loved you less than before.
But because you took all I had and still wanted more.
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