A Typical Monday

The alarm goes off I hit the floor jump in the shower and close the door. Coffee brews while I get washed up. When I'm done in the shower, I have a few cups. I grab one for the road and head out the door to the sound of chirping birds galore. I hop in my ride shut the door, and fire it up with a mighty roar; well it's more of a spit and sputter than a roar. As I speed down my driveway at two miles per hour I'm filled with anticipation of the on coming power. I hit the highway at the maddening speed of ten, then pray for steep down grades and a strong tail wind. Just as I reach the ludicrous speed of forty, the coffee kicks in; I gotta poop OH LORDY!! so I bring my car to a grinding halt. You see the front brake pads are worn that's why it grinds when it stops. I reach in my glove box for a napkin or two but there are'nt any there now what do I do. Thankfully it's summer and there's leaves all around. So I whistle myself over the guard rail now I'm scared. Someone built a nintey foot drop off right there. So I roll down the hill getting lumped bumped and bruised I'm happy my butt puckered or I'd have pooed my pants too. So I finished my business and got back on the road and when I got to work late all my boss did was groan. A typical Monday but wait that's not it. As I sit in my cube now my bum starts to itch. It seems that in my rush to split; I wiped my self with poison ivy OH !!!! Well that's my Monday I'll take it with a smile and keep plenty of napkins in my car from now on.