A Life Time of Addiction

I'm sitting here right now, just thinking back through time, about all the things I've been addicted to, through out my entire life. now this has got me thinking, why was this so, why I thought so many of my addictions were a good way for me to cope. Addicted to lollies and video game as a child, they made me happy. Addicted to violence at 9, because love was about control. Addicted to writing at 10, a place for me to hide. Addicted to smoking at 11, don't know really why, also addicted to masturbation, to take my frustrations away and addicted to movies, cause there was silence for a while. Addicted to Alcohol at 12, it made me feel good inside. Addicted to cannabis at 13, it freed me from my mind. Addicted to hashes oil at 15, progressing I guess. Addicted to gang life at 16, this was what I wanted to be. Addicted to the party life at 17, it got me away from home. Addicted to prescription medications at 18, a whole new world to see. Addicted to gambling at 21, a real emotional ride. Addicted to various T.v show, a way to fantasize. also addicted to arguing and fighting, because I was always right. For the next 5 years I went back and forth through all my addictions you see, never really knowing where I fit in, because none of these were me. so long was I trapped by addictions, in my mind it was the way to survive, I truly thought my addictions were the only things keeping me alive. Addicted to Yahoo messenger at 26, only thing on computers I knew how to do. Addicted to bebo at 28, cos all my friends had one. Addicted to helping people at 30, so much pain I could ease. Addicted to tribal wars at 31, because I lacked satisfaction in my life. then came a new addiction, to publish what I write. Addicted to education at 34, so much I needed to understand. and of course there was face book, well everyone is on face book. Addicted to reprogramming myself at 36, this is where i'm at now. i'm also addicted to my children, for they give me strength when i'm down. I look back on my life and all I see is a lot of misery, so coming to terms with my addictions, is my a new fight for me, once I understand and embrace them all, I can teach my children there's a better life in store. I know I will never be free from addictions, because I have an addictive mind, the only difference now from then, are healthier ones I find. M.Mahauariki © 2012