10 Best Famous Bitches Poems

Here is a collection of the top 10 all-time best famous Bitches poems. This is a select list of the best famous Bitches poetry. Reading, writing, and enjoying famous Bitches poetry (as well as classical and contemporary poems) is a great past time. These top poems are the best examples of bitches poems.

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The Living Dead

by Robert William Service
 Since I have come to years sedate
I see with more and more acumen
The bitter irony of Fate,
The vanity of all things human.
Why, just to-day some fellow said,
As I surveyed Fame's outer portal:
"By gad! I thought that you were dead."
Poor me, who dreamed to be immortal!

But that's the way with many men
Whose name one fancied time-defying;
We thought that they were dust and then
We found them living by their dying.
Like dogs we penmen have our day,
To brief best-sellerdom elected;
And then, "thumbs down," we slink away
And die forgotten and neglected.

Ah well, my lyric fling I've had;
A thousand bits of verse I've minted;
And some, alas! were very bad,
And some, alack! were best unprinted.
But if I've made my muse a bawd
(Since I am earthy as a ditch is),
I'll answer humbly to my God:
Most men at times have toyed with bitches.

Yes, I have played with Lady Rhyme,
And had a long and lovely innings;
And when the Umpire calls my time
I'll blandly quit and take my winnings.
I'll hie me to some Sleepydale,
And feed the ducks and pat the poodles,
And prime my paunch with cakes and ale,
And blether with the village noodles.

And then some day you'll idly scan
The Times obituary column,
And say: "Dear me, the poor old man!"
And for a moment you'll look solemn.
"So all this time he's been alive -
In realms of rhyme a second-rater . . .
But gad! to live to ninety-five:
Let's toast his ghost - a sherry, waiter!"

Gigolo

by Sylvia Plath
 Pocket watch, I tick well.
The streets are lizardly crevices
Sheer-sided, with holes where to hide.
It is best to meet in a cul-de-sac,

A palace of velvet
With windows of mirrors.
There one is safe,
There are no family photographs,

No rings through the nose, no cries.
Bright fish hooks, the smiles of women
Gulp at my bulk
And I, in my snazzy blacks,

Mill a litter of breasts like jellyfish.
To nourish
The cellos of moans I eat eggs --
Eggs and fish, the essentials,

The aphrodisiac squid.
My mouth sags,
The mouth of Christ
When my engine reaches the end of it.

The tattle of my
Gold joints, my way of turning
Bitches to ripples of silver
Rolls out a carpet, a hush.

And there is no end, no end of it.
I shall never grow old. New oysters
Shriek in the sea and I
Glitter like Fontainebleu

Gratified,
All the fall of water an eye
Over whose pool I tenderly
Lean and see me.

Hudsons Last Voyage

by Henry Van Dyke
 June 22, 1611 

THE SHALLOP ON HUDSON BAY 

One sail in sight upon the lonely sea
And only one, God knows! For never ship 
But mine broke through the icy gates that guard 
These waters, greater grown than any since
We left the shores of England. We were first, 
My men, to battle in between the bergs
And floes to these wide waves. This gulf is mine; 
I name it! and that flying sail is mine!
And there, hull-down below that flying sail,
The ship that staggers home is mine, mine, mine!
My ship Discoverie!
The sullen dogs
Of mutineers, the bitches' whelps that snatched
Their food and bit the hand that nourished them, 
Have stolen her. You ingrate Henry Greene, 
I picked you from the gutter of Houndsditch, 
And paid your debts, and kept you in my house, 
And brought you here to make a man of you! 
You Robert Juet, ancient, crafty man, 
Toothless and tremulous, how many times
Have I employed you as a master's mate
To give you bread? And you Abacuck Prickett, 
You sailor-clerk, you salted puritan, 
You knew the plot and silently agreed, 
Salving your conscience with a pious lie!
Yes, all of you -- hounds, rebels, thieves! Bring back
My ship!
Too late, -- I rave, -- they cannot hear 
My voice: and if they heard, a drunken laugh 
Would be their answer; for their minds have caught
The fatal firmness of the fool's resolve, 
That looks like courage but is only fear. 
They'll blunder on, and lose my ship, and drown, --
Or blunder home to England and be hanged. 
Their skeletons will rattle in the chains
Of some tall gibbet on the Channel cliffs, 
While passing mariners look up and say: 
"Those are the rotten bones of Hudson's men 
"Who left their captain in the frozen North!" 

O God of justice, why hast Thou ordained
Plans of the wise and actions of the brave
Dependent on the aid of fools and cowards?
Look, -- there she goes, -- her topsails in the sun 
Gleam from the ragged ocean edge, and drop 
Clean out of sight! So let the traitors go
Clean out of mind! We'll think of braver things! 
Come closer in the boat, my friends. John King, 
You take the tiller, keep her head nor'west.
You Philip Staffe, the only one who chose
Freely to share our little shallop's fate,
Rather than travel in the hell-bound ship, --
Too good an English seaman to desert
These crippled comrades, -- try to make them rest 
More easy on the thwarts. And John, my son, 
My little shipmate, come and lean your head 
Against your father's knee. Do you recall
That April morn in Ethelburga's church,
Five years ago, when side by side we kneeled
To take the sacrament with all our men,
Before the Hopewell left St. Catherine's docks 
On our first voyage? It was then I vowed
My sailor-soul and years to search the sea
Until we found the water-path that leads
From Europe into Asia.
I believe
That God has poured the ocean round His world, 
Not to divide, but to unite the lands.
And all the English captains that have dared 
In little ships to plough uncharted waves, --
Davis and Drake, Hawkins and Frobisher, 
Raleigh and Gilbert, -- all the other names, --
Are written in the chivalry of God
As men who served His purpose. I would claim 
A place among that knighthood of the sea;
And I have earned it, though my quest should fail!
For, mark me well, the honour of our life 
Derives from this: to have a certain aim 
Before us always, which our will must seek 
Amid the peril of uncertain ways.
Then, though we miss the goal, our search is crowned
With courage, and we find along our path
A rich reward of unexpected things.
Press towards the aim: take fortune as it fares! 

I know not why, but something in my heart 
Has always whispered, "Westward seek your goal!"
Three times they sent me east, but still I turned 
The bowsprit west, and felt among the floes 
Of ruttling ice along the Gröneland coast,
And down the rugged shore of Newfoundland, 
And past the rocky capes and wooded bays 
Where Gosnold sailed, -- like one who feels his way
With outstretched hand across a darkened room, --
I groped among the inlets and the isles,
To find the passage to the Land of Spice.
I have not found it yet, -- but I have found 
Things worth the finding!
Son, have you forgot 
Those mellow autumn days, two years ago, 
When first we sent our little ship Half-Moon, -- 
The flag of Holland floating at her peak, --
Across a sandy bar, and sounded in 
Among the channels, to a goodly bay 
Where all the navies of the world could ride? 
A fertile island that the redmen called 
Manhattan, lay above the bay: the land 
Around was bountiful and friendly fair. 
But never land was fair enough to hold 
The seaman from the calling of the sea. 
And so we bore to westward of the isle, 
Along a mighty inlet, where the tide
Was troubled by a downward-flowing flood 
That seemed to come from far away, -- perhaps 
From some mysterious gulf of Tartary? 

Inland we held our course; by palisades
Of naked rock where giants might have built 
Their fortress; and by rolling hills adorned 
With forests rich in timber for great ships; 
Through narrows where the mountains shut us in 
With frowning cliffs that seemed to bar the stream;
And then through open reaches where the banks 
Sloped to the water gently, with their fields 
Of corn and lentils smiling in the sun.
Ten days we voyaged through that placid land, 
Until we came to shoals, and sent a boat 
Upstream to find, -- what I already knew, --
We travelled on a river, not a strait. 

But what a river! God has never poured
A stream more royal through a land more rich. 
Even now I see it flowing in my dream, 
While coming ages people it with men 
Of manhood equal to the river's pride.
I see the wigwams of the redmen changed
To ample houses, and the tiny plots
Of maize and green tobacco broadened out
To prosperous farms, that spread o'er hill and dale
The many-coloured mantle of their crops;
I see the terraced vineyard on the slope
Where now the fox-grape loops its tangled vine; 
And cattle feeding where the red deer roam; 
And wild-bees gathered into busy hives, 
To store the silver comb with golden sweet; 
And all the promised land begins to flow 
With milk and honey. Stately manors rise 
Along the banks, and castles top the hills, 
And little villages grow populous with trade, 
Until the river runs as proudly as the Rhine, -- 
The thread that links a hundred towns and towers!
And looking deeper in my dream, I see
A mighty city covering the isle
They call Manhattan, equal in her state 
To all the older capitals of earth, --
The gateway city of a golden world, --
A city girt with masts, and crowned with spires, 
And swarming with a host of busy men, 
While to her open door across the bay 
The ships of all the nations flock like doves. 
My name will be remembered there, for men 
Will say, "This river and this isle were found 
By Henry Hudson, on his way to seek
The Northwest Passage into Farthest Inde." 

Yes! yes! I sought it then, I seek it still, --
My great adventure and my guiding star! 
For look ye, friends, our voyage is not done; 
We hold by hope as long as life endures! 
Somewhere among these floating fields of ice, 
Somewhere along this westward widening bay, 
Somewhere beneath this luminous northern night, 
The channel opens to the Orient, --
I know it, -- and some day a little ship
Will push her bowsprit in, and battle through! 
And why not ours, -- to-morrow, -- who can tell? 
The lucky chance awaits the fearless heart! 
These are the longest days of all the year; 
The world is round and God is everywhere, 
And while our shallop floats we still can steer. 
So point her up, John King, nor'west by north. 
We 'l1 keep the honour of a certain aim 
Amid the peril of uncertain ways,
And sail ahead, and leave the rest to God.

Lament

by Edna St. Vincent Millay
 When I was a windy boy and a bit
And the black spit of the chapel fold,
(Sighed the old ram rod, dying of women),
I tiptoed shy in the gooseberry wood,
The rude owl cried like a tell-tale tit,
I skipped in a blush as the big girls rolled
Nine-pin down on donkey's common,
And on seesaw sunday nights I wooed
Whoever I would with my wicked eyes,
The whole of the moon I could love and leave
All the green leaved little weddings' wives
In the coal black bush and let them grieve.

When I was a gusty man and a half
And the black beast of the beetles' pews
(Sighed the old ram rod, dying of bitches),
Not a boy and a bit in the wick-
Dipping moon and drunk as a new dropped calf,
I whistled all night in the twisted flues,
Midwives grew in the midnight ditches,
And the sizzling sheets of the town cried, Quick!-
Whenever I dove in a breast high shoal,
Wherever I ramped in the clover quilts,
Whatsoever I did in the coal-
Black night, I left my quivering prints.

When I was a man you could call a man
And the black cross of the holy house,
(Sighed the old ram rod, dying of welcome),
Brandy and ripe in my bright, bass prime,
No springtailed tom in the red hot town
With every simmering woman his mouse
But a hillocky bull in the swelter
Of summer come in his great good time
To the sultry, biding herds, I said,
Oh, time enough when the blood runs cold,
And I lie down but to sleep in bed,
For my sulking, skulking, coal black soul!

When I was half the man I was
And serve me right as the preachers warn,
(Sighed the old ram rod, dying of downfall),
No flailing calf or cat in a flame
Or hickory bull in milky grass
But a black sheep with a crumpled horn,
At last the soul from its foul mousehole
Slunk pouting out when the limp time came;
And I gave my soul a blind, slashed eye,
Gristle and rind, and a roarers' life,
And I shoved it into the coal black sky
To find a woman's soul for a wife.

Now I am a man no more no more
And a black reward for a roaring life,
(Sighed the old ram rod, dying of strangers),
Tidy and cursed in my dove cooed room
I lie down thin and hear the good bells jaw--
For, oh, my soul found a sunday wife
In the coal black sky and she bore angels!
Harpies around me out of her womb!
Chastity prays for me, piety sings,
Innocence sweetens my last black breath,
Modesty hides my thighs in her wings,
And all the deadly virtues plague my death!

306. Election Ballad at close of Contest for representing the Dumfries Burghs 1790

by Robert Burns
 FINTRY, my stay in wordly strife,
Friend o’ my muse, friend o’ my life,
 Are ye as idle’s I am?
Come then, wi’ uncouth kintra fleg,
O’er Pegasus I’ll fling my leg,
 And ye shall see me try him.


But where shall I go rin a ride,
That I may splatter nane beside?
 I wad na be uncivil:
In manhood’s various paths and ways
There’s aye some doytin’ body strays,
 And I ride like the devil.


Thus I break aff wi’ a’ my birr,
And down yon dark, deep alley spur,
 Where Theologics daunder:
Alas! curst wi’ eternal fogs,
And damn’d in everlasting bogs,
 As sure’s the creed I’ll blunder!


I’ll stain a band, or jaup a gown,
Or rin my reckless, guilty crown
 Against the haly door:
Sair do I rue my luckless fate,
When, as the Muse an’ Deil wad hae’t,
 I rade that road before.


Suppose I take a spurt, and mix
Amang the wilds o’ Politics—
 Electors and elected,
Where dogs at Court (sad sons of bitches!)
Septennially a madness touches,
 Till all the land’s infected.


All hail! Drumlanrig’s haughty Grace,
Discarded remnant of a race
 Once godlike-great in story;
Thy forbears’ virtues all contrasted,
The very name of Douglas blasted,
 Thine that inverted glory!


Hate, envy, oft the Douglas bore,
But thou hast superadded more,
 And sunk them in contempt;
Follies and crimes have stain’d the name,
But, Queensberry, thine the virgin claim,
 From aught that’s good exempt!


I’ll sing the zeal Drumlanrig bears,
Who left the all-important cares
 Of princes, and their darlings:
And, bent on winning borough touns,
Came shaking hands wi’ wabster-loons,
 And kissing barefit carlins.


Combustion thro’ our boroughs rode,
Whistling his roaring pack abroad
 Of mad unmuzzled lions;
As Queensberry blue and buff unfurl’d,
And Westerha’ and Hopetoun hurled
 To every Whig defiance.


But cautious Queensberry left the war,
Th’ unmanner’d dust might soil his star,
 Besides, he hated bleeding:
But left behind him heroes bright,
Heroes in C&æsarean fight,
 Or Ciceronian pleading.


O for a throat like huge Mons-Meg,
To muster o’er each ardent Whig
 Beneath Drumlanrig’s banners;
Heroes and heroines commix,
All in the field of politics,
 To win immortal honours.


M’Murdo and his lovely spouse,
(Th’ enamour’d laurels kiss her brows!)
 Led on the Loves and Graces:
She won each gaping burgess’ heart,
While he, sub rosa, played his part
 Amang their wives and lasses.


Craigdarroch led a light-arm’d core,
Tropes, metaphors, and figures pour,
 Like Hecla streaming thunder:
Glenriddel, skill’d in rusty coins,
Blew up each Tory’s dark designs,
 And bared the treason under.


In either wing two champions fought;
Redoubted Staig, who set at nought
 The wildest savage Tory;
And Welsh who ne’er yet flinch’d his ground,
High-wav’d his magnum-bonum round
 With Cyclopeian fury.


Miller brought up th’ artillery ranks,
The many-pounders of the Banks,
 Resistless desolation!
While Maxwelton, that baron bold,
’Mid Lawson’s port entrench’d his hold,
 And threaten’d worse damnation.


To these what Tory hosts oppos’d
With these what Tory warriors clos’d
 Surpasses my descriving;
Squadrons, extended long and large,
With furious speed rush to the charge,
 Like furious devils driving.


What verse can sing, what prose narrate,
The butcher deeds of bloody Fate,
 Amid this mighty tulyie!
Grim Horror girn’d, pale Terror roar’d,
As Murder at his thrapple shor’d,
 And Hell mix’d in the brulyie.


As Highland craigs by thunder cleft,
When lightnings fire the stormy lift,
 Hurl down with crashing rattle;
As flames among a hundred woods,
As headlong foam from a hundred floods,
 Such is the rage of Battle.


The stubborn Tories dare to die;
As soon the rooted oaks would fly
 Before th’ approaching fellers:
The Whigs come on like Ocean’s roar,
When all his wintry billows pour
 Against the Buchan Bullers.


Lo, from the shades of Death’s deep night,
Departed Whigs enjoy the fight,
 And think on former daring:
The muffled murtherer of Charles
The Magna Charter flag unfurls,
 All deadly gules its bearing.


Nor wanting ghosts of Tory fame;
Bold Scrimgeour follows gallant Graham;
 Auld Covenanters shiver—
Forgive! forgive! much-wrong’d Montrose!
Now Death and Hell engulph thy foes,
 Thou liv’st on high for ever.


Still o’er the field the combat burns,
The Tories, Whigs, give way by turns;
 But Fate the word has spoken:
For woman’s wit and strength o’man,
Alas! can do but what they can;
 The Tory ranks are broken.


O that my een were flowing burns!
My voice, a lioness that mourns
 Her darling cubs’ undoing!
That I might greet, that I might cry,
While Tories fall, while Tories fly,
 And furious Whigs pursuing!


What Whig but melts for good Sir James,
Dear to his country, by the names,
 Friend, Patron, Benefactor!
Not Pulteney’s wealth can Pulteney save;
And Hopetoun falls, the generous, brave;
 And Stewart, bold as Hector.


Thou, Pitt, shalt rue this overthrow,
And Thurlow growl a curse of woe,
 And Melville melt in wailing:
Now Fox and Sheridan rejoice,
And Burke shall sing, “O Prince, arise!
 Thy power is all-prevailing!”


For your poor friend, the Bard, afar
He only hears and sees the war,
 A cool spectator purely!
So, when the storm the forest rends,
The robin in the hedge descends,
 And sober chirps securely.


Now, for my friends’ and brethren’s sakes,
And for my dear-lov’d Land o’ Cakes,
 I pray with holy fire:
Lord, send a rough-shod troop o’ Hell
O’er a’ wad Scotland buy or sell,
 To grind them in the mire!

The Commination

by Alec Derwent (A D) Hope
 He that is filthy let him be filthy still. 
Rev. 22.11 

Like John on Patmos, brooding on the Four 
Last Things, I meditate the ruin of friends 
Whose loss, Lord, brings this grand new curse to mind 
Now send me foes worth cursing, or send more 
- Since means should be proportionate to ends - 
For mine are few and of the piddling kind: 

Drivellers, snivellers, writers of bad verse, 
Backbiting bitches, snipers from a pew, 
Small turds from the great **** of self-esteem; 
On such as these I would not waste my curse. 
God send me soon the enemy or two 
Fit for the wrath of God, of whom I dream: 

Some Caliban of Culture, some absurd 
Messiah of the Paranoiac State, 
Some Educator wallowing in his slime, 
Some Prophet of the Uncreating Word 
Monsters a man might reasonably hate, 
Masters of Progress, Leaders of our Time; 

But chiefly the Suborners: Common Tout 
And Punk, the Advertiser, him I mean 
And his smooth hatchet-man, the Technocrat. 
Them let my malediction single out, 
These modern Dives with their talking screen 
Who lick the sores of Lazarus and grow fat, 

Licensed to pimp, solicit and procure 
Here in my house, to foul my feast, to bawl 
Their wares while I am talking with my friend, 
To pour into my ears a public sewer 
Of all the Strumpet Muses sell and all 
That prostituted science has to vend. 

In this great Sodom of a world, which turns 
The treasure of the Intellect to dust 
And every gift to some perverted use, 
What wonder if the human spirit learns 
Recourses of despair or of disgust, 
Abortion, suicide and self-abuse. 

But let me laugh, Lord; let me crack and strain 
The belly of this derision till it burst; 
For I have seen too much, have lived too long 
A citizen of Sodom to refrain, 
And in the stye of Science, from the first, 
Have watched the pearls of Circe drop on dung. 

Let me not curse my children, nor in rage 
Mock at the just, the helpless and the poor, 
Foot-fast in Sodom's rat-trap; make me bold 
To turn on the Despoilers all their age 
Invents: damnations never felt before 
And hells more horrible than hot and cold. 

And, since in Heaven creatures purified 
Rational, free, perfected in their kinds 
Contemplate God and see Him face to face 
In Hell, for sure, spirits transmogrified, 
Paralysed wills and parasitic minds 
Mirror their own corruption and disgrace. 

Now let this curse fall on my enemies 
My enemies, Lord, but all mankind's as well 
Prophets and panders of their golden calf; 
Let Justice fit them all in their degrees; 
Let them, still living, know that state of hell, 
And let me see them perish, Lord, and laugh. 

Let them be glued to television screens 
Till their minds fester and the trash they see 
Worm their dry hearts away to crackling shells; 
Let ends be so revenged upon their means 
That all that once was human grows to be 
A flaccid mass of phototropic cells; 

Let the dog love his vomit still, the swine 
Squelch in the slough; and let their only speech 
Be Babel; let the specious lies they bred 
Taste on their tongues like intellectual wine 
Let sung commercials surfeit them, till each 
Goggles with nausea in his nauseous bed. 

And, lest with them I learn to gibber and gloat, 
Lead me, for Sodom is my city still, 
To seek those hills in which the heart finds ease; 
Give Lot his leave; let Noah build his boat, 
And me and mine, when each has laughed his fill, 
View thy damnation and depart in peace.

Commination

by Alec Derwent (A D) Hope
 He that is filthy let him be filthy still. 
Rev. 22.11 

Like John on Patmos, brooding on the Four 
Last Things, I meditate the ruin of friends 
Whose loss, Lord, brings this grand new curse to mind 
Now send me foes worth cursing, or send more 
- Since means should be proportionate to ends - 
For mine are few and of the piddling kind: 

Drivellers, snivellers, writers of bad verse, 
Backbiting bitches, snipers from a pew, 
Small turds from the great **** of self-esteem; 
On such as these I would not waste my curse. 
God send me soon the enemy or two 
Fit for the wrath of God, of whom I dream: 

Some Caliban of Culture, some absurd 
Messiah of the Paranoiac State, 
Some Educator wallowing in his slime, 
Some Prophet of the Uncreating Word 
Monsters a man might reasonably hate, 
Masters of Progress, Leaders of our Time; 

But chiefly the Suborners: Common Tout 
And Punk, the Advertiser, him I mean 
And his smooth hatchet-man, the Technocrat. 
Them let my malediction single out, 
These modern Dives with their talking screen 
Who lick the sores of Lazarus and grow fat, 

Licensed to pimp, solicit and procure 
Here in my house, to foul my feast, to bawl 
Their wares while I am talking with my friend, 
To pour into my ears a public sewer 
Of all the Strumpet Muses sell and all 
That prostituted science has to vend. 

In this great Sodom of a world, which turns 
The treasure of the Intellect to dust 
And every gift to some perverted use, 
What wonder if the human spirit learns 
Recourses of despair or of disgust, 
Abortion, suicide and self-abuse. 

But let me laugh, Lord; let me crack and strain 
The belly of this derision till it burst; 
For I have seen too much, have lived too long 
A citizen of Sodom to refrain, 
And in the stye of Science, from the first, 
Have watched the pearls of Circe drop on dung. 

Let me not curse my children, nor in rage 
Mock at the just, the helpless and the poor, 
Foot-fast in Sodom's rat-trap; make me bold 
To turn on the Despoilers all their age 
Invents: damnations never felt before 
And hells more horrible than hot and cold. 

And, since in Heaven creatures purified 
Rational, free, perfected in their kinds 
Contemplate God and see Him face to face 
In Hell, for sure, spirits transmogrified, 
Paralysed wills and parasitic minds 
Mirror their own corruption and disgrace. 

Now let this curse fall on my enemies 
My enemies, Lord, but all mankind's as well 
Prophets and panders of their golden calf; 
Let Justice fit them all in their degrees; 
Let them, still living, know that state of hell, 
And let me see them perish, Lord, and laugh. 

Let them be glued to television screens 
Till their minds fester and the trash they see 
Worm their dry hearts away to crackling shells; 
Let ends be so revenged upon their means 
That all that once was human grows to be 
A flaccid mass of phototropic cells; 

Let the dog love his vomit still, the swine 
Squelch in the slough; and let their only speech 
Be Babel; let the specious lies they bred 
Taste on their tongues like intellectual wine 
Let sung commercials surfeit them, till each 
Goggles with nausea in his nauseous bed. 

And, lest with them I learn to gibber and gloat, 
Lead me, for Sodom is my city still, 
To seek those hills in which the heart finds ease; 
Give Lot his leave; let Noah build his boat, 
And me and mine, when each has laughed his fill, 
View thy damnation and depart in peace.

278. On the late Captain Grose's Peregrinations

by Robert Burns
 HEAR, Land o’ Cakes, and brither Scots,
Frae Maidenkirk to Johnie Groat’s;—
If there’s a hole in a’ your coats,
 I rede you tent it:
A chield’s amang you takin notes,
 And, faith, he’ll prent it:


If in your bounds ye chance to light
Upon a fine, fat fodgel wight,
O’ stature short, but genius bright,
 That’s he, mark weel;
And wow! he has an unco sleight
 O’ cauk and keel.


By some auld, houlet-haunted biggin,
Or kirk deserted by its riggin,
It’s ten to ane ye’ll find him snug in
 Some eldritch part,
Wi’ deils, they say, L—d save’s! colleaguin
 At some black art.


Ilk ghaist that haunts auld ha’ or chaumer,
Ye gipsy-gang that deal in glamour,
And you, deep-read in hell’s black grammar,
 Warlocks and witches,
Ye’ll quake at his conjuring hammer,
 Ye midnight bitches.


It’s tauld he was a sodger bred,
And ane wad rather fa’n than fled;
But now he’s quat the spurtle-blade,
 And dog-skin wallet,
And taen the—Antiquarian trade,
 I think they call it.


He has a fouth o’ auld nick-nackets:
Rusty airn caps and jinglin jackets,
Wad haud the Lothians three in tackets,
 A towmont gude;
And parritch-pats and auld saut-backets,
 Before the flood.


Of Eve’s first fire he has a cinder;
Auld Tubalcain’s fire-shool and fender;
That which distinguished the gender
 O’ Balaam’s ass:
A broomstick o’ the witch of Endor,
 Weel shod wi’ brass.


Forbye, he’ll shape you aff fu’ gleg
The cut of Adam’s philibeg;
The knife that nickit Abel’s craig
 He’ll prove you fully,
It was a faulding jocteleg,
 Or lang-kail gullie.


But wad ye see him in his glee,
For meikle glee and fun has he,
Then set him down, and twa or three
 Gude fellows wi’ him:
And port, O port! shine thou a wee,
 And THEN ye’ll see him!


Now, by the Pow’rs o’ verse and prose!
Thou art a dainty chield, O Grose!—
Whae’er o’ thee shall ill suppose,
 They sair misca’ thee;
I’d take the rascal by the nose,
 Wad say, “Shame fa’ thee!”

My Nose Is Growing Old

by Richard Brautigan
 Yup.
A long lazy September look
in the mirror
say it's true.

I'm 31
and my nose is growing
old.

It starts about 1/2
an inch
below the bridge
and strolls geriatrically
down
for another inch or so:
stopping.

Fortunately, the rest
of the nose is comparatively
young.

I wonder if girls
will want me with an
old nose.

I can hear them now
the heartless bitches!

"He's cute
but his nose
is old."

Theory Of Recruiting

by Regina Derieva
 Sons of bitches
were born
with hearts of stone,
cherishing this stone
all their life.
Children of
sons of bitches
were born
with hearts of grenade,
in order to
blow to pieces
everything,
and to leave as a message for their descendants — 
entrails
(still smoking entrails)
of sons of bitches.
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