The Mad Parrot
On the fourth day of Christmas, the 28th December, Jenny had her own personal in-home drama, which she can laugh about now but, at the time, put her into serious panic mode.
For the last three days, Jenny had been hearing scratching noises from within the fireplace in the study and so, finally, she decided to investigate.
She opened the chimney flue but, as it was blocked with debris, bricks and soot, she decided, now was not as good a time as any to clean it, as that could be a big mistake, what with buckets of dust etc. probably descending... a result, no doubt, of crumpets toasting on an open fire.
However, when next she glanced at the fireplace, she saw what appeared to be three fingers poking upright out of the fireplace. This odd apparition then swapped to downside up and she realised it was a bird looking out at her.
Jenny patiently waits, and out popped a green parrot, which takes off, flapping and squawking around the room, faster than a speeding pullet.
She had a towel, from the intended clearing up, with which to catch it, but soon realised she would first have to close the door of the study.
Wrong move... yes, the door did shut but there was no handle and she was trapped in the room with a mad parrot.
As Lloyd, her friend, wouldn't be home until 6:00 pm and the windows were painted in, locked tight, neither she nor the parrot could make their escape.
Jenny then tried to open the door and realised, although it was not locked, she couldn't open it as they had removed the lock while the door was being stripped for priming and painting.
'Never mind the crumpets, my kingdom for a screwdriver,' she thought to herself.
After searching around in the tool boxes, and there were several, she found a handy screwdriver set and was able to release the door by turning an appropriate-size tool in the hole where the handle should be.
Meanwhile, the parrot had exhausted itself and was taking a cat-nap on the carpet, so a quick pick-up in the towel was indicated, and it successfully achieved the objective... but how the parrot did scream!
Jenny then made her way downstairs, clutching the now towel-wrapped parrot, which was trying to bite her, ran across the road to the Wanstead Park woods, and released it with a not-so-fond, 'Fare thee well, my little feathered friend.'
It immediately disappeared but, seconds later, she saw it fly away to rejoin the flock... phew!
Happily, no one was harmed, during the exercise, and the parrot lived to tell the tale.
As, according to Mark Twain, 'truth is stranger than fiction', this drama can only be described as, to paraphrase William Shakespeare, 'a most hilarious comedy of errors'.
Who among us would expect to be locked in a study with a potty parrot, that fell out of the fireplace, and no escape save for a simple screwdriver?
As, by that day, the then hopping-mad parrot had been in the chimney for three days, perhaps Santa dropped it on his way down, or up, on his gift-giving travels.
If Santa had dropped the parrot in the flue, it may possibly have been a present intended as plunder for a pirate at a different address, and, as the unlucky, swashbuckling seadog did not receive it, he's now all at sea wondering if Santa had checked his list, not once but twice, and found the old scallywag had been a naughty buccaneer and not at all nice.
And so, boys and girls, let that be a lesson to you... 'Nice' means presents, 'Naughty' means none!
'The Mad Parrot', by John & Samuel, on Bandcamp:
https://john-and-samuel.bandcamp.com/track/the-mad-parrot
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