Mr. Whiz Crackle and the Snow Day
Preface
Limbo is a peculiar place. It is the greatest oddity of the Catholic Church. People confuse limbo with purgatory. Purgatory is where souls of the repentant are cleansed of sin to prepare their way to heaven. It is the spiritual rehab center for God-fearing Catholics who drink too much. Limbo is different. Limbo is the borderland between heaven and hell. Here reside the blameless souls of unbaptized infants. Free of personal sin, they are spared damnation. Unwashed of Original Sin, they are denied redemption. And so they rest in limbus infantum, for eternity, lest God grant them mercy. My brother went to limbo. He was stillborn. My mother asked the priest to baptize her child, but the priest declined. “It would do no good,” he said. “The rite confers grace only to the living—souls bequeathed to the dead cannot be saved.” My mother left the rectory embittered that morning. She left the Catholic Church shortly thereafter.
Mr. Whiz Crackle and the Snow Day
hissssssssssss…crack-crackle-crack whizzz-bzzt pop! pop!-pop!
“Darnit!”
whizzzzzzzzz crackle-crack pop! ksssssh-crack bzzt-bzzt pop!
“Darnit!”
bzzzt-bzzzzzzzt kkkkkkshhh…whizzzz-crack crackle-pop!
“Mr. Whiz Crackle?”
hissssss-ksssssssh bzzzt...crack whizzzzzzz pop! crack-crackle
“Mr. Whiz Crackle! Where are you?”
bzzzzzzt whizzzzzzzz pop crack-crackle…whizz pop crackle
whiz crackle…
whiz crackle…
Whiz Crackle.
“Oh, there you are. Hi Mr. Whiz Crackle.”
“Hello Robert.”
“It was hard to find you this morning.”
“Yes, I’m sorry. The reception was poor. What are your plans for today?”
“It’s Sunday. I have to go to church.”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“I hate going to church.”
“It’s only once a week, just for an hour.”
“Sometimes it’s longer than an hour. Last week, it was an hour and seven minutes.”
“That’s not so long in the grand scheme of things.”
“It’s long in the Sunday morning scheme of things. Mommmm?!!!”
“Yes Pumpkin.”
“What time is Mass today?”
“10:50.”
“What time do we have to leave?”
“10:25.”
“But it only takes eight minutes to get there.”
“We don’t want to be late. It can be hard to find a parking place.”
“We always find a parking place.”
“That’s because we leave early.”
“Humph. Who is the priest today?”
“Father McConey.”
“That’s good, right Robert? Father McConey’s Masses are the shortest, aren’t they?”
“Yes. One time he finished in 41 minutes. I think it’s the record.”
“Well then it won’t be so bad. And it’s only 8:15. You have plenty of time before you have to leave. What would you like to do?”
“I don’t know.”
“Would you like me to put on some music?”
“No, I don’t feel like listening to music.”
“How about we play a game of chess?”
“No, you always beat me.”
“You’re just learning Robert. It’s to be expected. Do you want me to let you win?”
“No!”
“Would you like to practice moving the knight?”
“No, not now Mr. Whiz Crackle. But thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Mommmm?!!!”
“Yes Pumpkin.”
“Why do I have to skip fourth grade?”
“Because you’re precocious.”
“I don’t want to be precocious.”
“It’s good to be precocious. God made you that way.”
“But all my friends will be in the fourth grade.”
“You’ll still be in the same school. You’ll still see your friends.”
“But we’ll be in different classes.”
“You’ll get to make new friends.”
“I don’t want to make new friends.”
“It’s good to make new friends. Then you’ll have more friends than ever.”
“Humph.”
“Why don’t you tell me more about your book, Robert?”
“I haven’t gotten much further. What was the last thing I told you?”
“Professor Marshall was building his balloon.”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“Has he finished it yet?”
“No, not yet. But I think he’s going to finish it soon.”
“Will he fly it around the world?”
“I’m not sure. First, he has to fly it across the Atlantic Ocean.”
“Oh, I didn’t know he had decided that.”
“Yes, he did, a couple days ago.”
“I see.”
“He has to go to England.”
“To meet with Mr. Churchill?”
“Yes. They need to discuss the secret plan for the war.”
“Do you know what the plan is?”
“No, it’s secret.”
“Of course.”
“But I know it has to do with France. My father went there to save the world.”
“Pumpkin! Breakfast is ready!”
“I’ll be right back Mr. Whiz Crackle.”
“Take your time Robert. Don’t eat so fast.”
?????
“How was breakfast?”
“Good. Mom made the bacon the way I like it, not too crispy.”
“Did you have pancakes too?”
“Yeah, both this time.”
“Your mother always makes you a nice breakfast on Sunday. You should thank her.”
“I will.”
“I heard something while you were gone. It’s only speculation, mind you. Informed speculation, but not for certain.”
“What is it?”
“You have to understand, I don’t know for sure.”
“OK. What is it?”
“It might snow today.”
“Really?! How much?”
“I can’t say. It might not snow at all.”
“But you think it will, right?”
“There hasn’t been an official announcement. It’s just what I heard.”
“Mom! It’s gonna snow!”
“Really? I haven’t heard anything about snow.”
“Mr. Whiz Crackle said it will.”
“I said it might snow Robert! I don’t know for sure. It’s only informed speculation.”
“He doesn’t know for sure, but he thinks there’s a good chance it might. Is that better Mr. Whiz Crackle?”
“Yes, that’s better.”
“Do we still have to go to church if it snows?”
“Yes, of course we do.”
“But it might be dangerous driving.”
“Oh my! We wouldn’t want that.”
“No.”
“Then maybe we should go to the 9:35 service, just to make sure. Father McDonough is saying Mass.”
Oh no! “That’s OK mom. 10:50 Mass is fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah mom, I’m sure.”
“OK. Father McDonough’s service is always nice though. He does go on a bit sometimes, but that’s because he’s thorough. We haven’t heard him say Mass for a while. Maybe we should go to his Mass. We wouldn’t want to take any chances with the snow.”
“No mom, 10:50 Mass is good. Let’s just go then.”
“OK. If you’re sure it will be safe.”
“Whew! That was close! Father McDonough’s Masses are the longest of all.”
“You should have known that wasn’t going to work.”
“Humpf.”
?????
“Father McConey’s homily was nice today, didn’t you think?”
“Yeah, it was good mom. I like Father McConey.”
“He’s always been your favorite for some reason. I know it’s difficult to be quiet in church. I was proud of you today. And you looked very nice.”
“The benches hurt.”
“They are uncomfortable, I agree.” I wish people would use their turn signals…
“Mom?”
“Yes?”
“Is Mark still in limbo?”
“Your brother, Mark? Yes, I think so.”
“How long will he be there?”
“I’m not sure.”
“What it is like in limbo?”
“I don’t know exactly.”
“Is it the same as purgatory?”
“No, it’s not the same. Purgatory is where you wait to go to heaven.”
“Is it bad? Like hell?”
“No, honey, it’s not like hell. You don’t have to worry. Mark is fine. He’ll always be fine.”
“How do you know?”
“Father McGuire told me.”
“How does he know?”
“He’s a priest.”
“Oh. Why did Mark go to limbo? Why didn’t he go to heaven?”
“It’s difficult to explain. We’ll talk about it when you’re a little older.”
“How much older?”
“I don’t know. We’ll see.”
“When will you know?”
“When I think you’re old enough to understand.”
“When will that be?”
“I don’t know. That’s enough questions for now.”
“OK. Sorry mom… But you’re sure Mark won’t go to hell, right?”
“Yes, I promise he won’t go to hell. God would never do that to Mark. Look! A snowflake!”
“Where?”
“Oh, it went away.”
“Mom!”
“There’s another one. I think it’s beginning to flurry.”
“It is!”
“Geez, I hope we’ll get home safely in this weather.”
?????
“Mr. Whiz Crackle! Mr. Whiz Crackle? Where’d you go?”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I must have dozed off.”
“You were right! It’s snowing! It started a few hours ago, when we were driving back from church.” I wonder if he really dozes off...
“That’s wonderful.”
“How much do you think we’ll get?”
“That’s hard to say.”
“Do you have any informed speculation?”
“I think it might snow for a while.”
“How long?”
“I don’t know. We’ll have to see.”
“Mommmm?! How long do you think it will snow?”
“I don’t know. We’ll have to see.”
“Humph.”
“Why don’t you go outside Robert?”
“I wanna wait until there’s enough snow.”
“When will there be enough?”
“I don’t know. There might be enough now, but just barely enough.”
“Well, just barely enough is enough.”
“I guess so. Mom?! Do you wanna go outside?”
“Alright.”
“Actually, let’s wait a little longer. I want to make sure there’s enough snow.”
“That’s fine. We’ll go whenever you think there’s enough.”
?????
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it Pumpkin?!”
“Yeah! There’s definitely enough now!”
“Let’s make snow angels. Do you know how to make them?”
“Yeah mom. Everyone knows how to make them. We made them last time it snowed. Yours were crooked.”
“My snow angels were not crooked.”
“Yeah they were mom. Just a little.”
“Well, only God makes perfect angels.”
“There aren’t really angels, right?”
“There are angels everywhere.”
“But they’re not real, like people, right?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe they are. What do you think?”
“I don’t think they are.”
“Why not?”
“I’ve never seen one. I don’t know anybody who’s ever seen one.”
“That doesn’t mean nobody has ever seen one.”
“Have you ever seen one?”
“No, I haven’t. Maybe they’re invisible.”
“Why would they be invisible?”
“I don’t know. It’s just nice to think there are angels.”
?????
“Hi Mr. Whiz Crackle.”
“Hello Robert. Is it still snowing?”
“Yeah! It’s been snowing real hard since we finished dinner!”
“What time is it?”
“8:34. Do you think they’ll close school tomorrow?”
“I don’t know. We’ll have to see.”
“Mommmm?!!! Do you think they’ll close school tomorrow?”
“I don’t know. We’ll have to see.”
“Humph. You really haven’t heard anything Mr. Whiz Crackle?”
“Nothing definitive.”
“Mommmm?!!!”
“Will you please stop pestering your mother!”
“Can we call the radio station again? Maybe there’s a new announcement.”
“We called 20 minutes ago.”
“But maybe there’s a new one now.”
“Alright. I’ll call one more time, then you need to go to bed.”
“OK.” God, it’d be great if they closed school! They should. There’s already a lot of snow out there. The buses will never be able to get out. Yeah, they’ll close school. They’ll have to. I don’t know though, maybe not…
“No, I’m afraid there’s no new announcement.”
“Maybe you hung up too fast.”
“I listened to all of it.”
“Mr. Whiz Crackle?”
“Nothing on this end.”
“Maybe you—”
“No, I didn’t doze off .”
“But…”
“You’ll find out tomorrow Robert. Good night.”
“OK. Good night mom.”
?????
hissssssssssssssss…crack bzzzzt whizzzzz pop…pop!-pop!-pop!
“Mr. Whiz Crackle!”
whizzzzzzzzz shhhhhhh…crackle-crack hisssss bzzt-bzzt pop!
“Mr. Whiz Crackle!!”
bzzt hissssss whizzzzzz-crack-crackle shhhhhh pop bzzzzt-pop!
“Mr. Whiz Crackle! C’mon!”
whizzzzz bzzt shhhh…pop-crack-crackle whizzz-crack-crackle
whiz crackle…
whiz crackle…
Whiz Crackle.
“Finally!”
“Good morning Robert. Did you sleep well?”
“Mr. Whiz Crackle!!”
“School is closed.”
“Mom! They closed school!”
“Yes, I heard. What would you like for breakfast?”
“Bacon.”
“Pancakes too?”
“Sure!” Two days in a row? I don’t think that’s ever happened before...
“That’s nice of your mother Robert. You should thank her.”
“I will.”
?????
“Wow! This is the most snow I’ve ever seen! I can hardly walk in it!”
“I think it’s the most I’ve ever seen too. God really outdid Himself.”
“How do you know God made it snow?”
“Who else could’ve make it snow?”
“Maybe the Weather.”
“Did you pray for it to snow?”
“Yes.”
“Did you pray for school to be closed?”
“Yes. But I’ve prayed for things before and they didn’t happen.”
“God has to answer other people’s prayers too. We’re supposed to take turns.”
“Why don’t we ever see God?”
“He doesn’t appear to us that way.”
“Why not?”
“Because God is not a physical being.”
“Oh.”
“God is a mystery to us. It’s hard for us to understand Him. That’s why we go to church, to learn more about God, what He wants us to do. That’s why it’s important to listen to the priests.”
“Why doesn’t he just tell us what he wants us to do?”
“He will one day.”
“When?”
“When we go to heaven.”
“What about people who don’t go to heaven?”
“God wants all His children to go to heaven. But sometimes people turn God away. They reject His love.”
“Did Mark reject God’s love?”
“No, Mark didn’t reject God’s love. He just wasn’t given the chance to accept God’s love. God understands that. He made a special place for Mark where he can be happy. I know it’s difficult to understand. That’s why we need to wait until you’re a little older to talk about it.”
“OK.”
“I’m going to go inside and read for a while. Will you be out for the rest of the day?”
“I think so.”
“Alright. Watch out for cars.”
“There aren’t any cars.”
“No, I guess there aren’t. Just make sure you’re home before dark.”
“OK.”
?????
“Hi Mr. Whiz Crackle.”
“Oh, hello Robert. Did you have a nice time in the snow today?”
“Yeah! It’s the biggest snowstorm I’ve ever seen!”
“There hasn’t been one like it for a long time, years before you were born. Have you eaten dinner?”
“About an hour ago. Mom was really quiet.”
“Is something wrong?”
“I don’t know. She was just really quiet. We were gonna make a fire after dinner, but she said she wanted to read for a while. The Gospels. She’s been reading them a lot lately.”
“They must be important to her.”
“I guess so.”
“You know your mother loves you Robert. More than anything in the world.”
“I know.”
“Do you ever tell her that you love her?”
“Sometimes.”
“You should tell her more.”
“I will.”
“You should tell her tonight.”
?????
“Ready to make a fire Pumpkin?”
“Yeah! I didn’t know if we were still going to.”
“Of course we were. I just wanted to read for a little while first.”
“I know.”
“Do you listen to the priests when they read the Gospels in church?”
“Yes, I listen. Who are the Corn Indians?”
“The Corinthians.”
“Oh.”
“I think you should listen harder.”
“I will. How do the priests know so much about God?”
“They study Scripture.”
“Oh.”
“The priests are here to teach us, and we go to church to learn from them. It’s important to listen to what they say.”
“I know. But I don’t really understand what they’re saying. It doesn’t make any sense to me.”
“You still need to listen. Even if it doesn’t make any sense to you. Even if you don’t like it.”
“You look mad at me mon. I’m sorry. I really will listen harder to the priests. I promise. I know I should. Even if I don’t understand what they’re saying. Even if it doesn’t make any sense to me. Even if I don’t—”
“Do you want to talk about what happened to your brother, Robert? What happened to Mark?”
“Yes.”
“It’s difficult. You have to understand that.”
“OK.”
“Mark was stillborn. Do you know what that means?”
“No.”
“It means he died before he was born.”
“Was he ever alive?”
“Yes. He was alive inside me, for almost six months.”
“When did he die?”
“A little over three years before you were born. He would have been your older brother, and he would have loved you.”
“Why did he die?”
“The doctor didn’t know for sure. There are a lot of reasons why stillborn babies die.”
“Did he go to limbo right after he died?”
“I think so.”
“Why did he go there? Why didn’t he go to heaven?”
“Because he wasn’t baptized.”
“Was I baptized?”
“Yes, you were baptized. Father McGuire baptized you.”
“Why didn’t he baptize Mark?”
“Because Mark wasn’t alive.”
“A baby has to be alive to be baptized?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“It’s what the Church says.”
“Oh.”
“I wanted Mark to be baptized. I told Father McGuire I did. But he said it wouldn’t matter, that Mark still wouldn’t go to heaven.”
“Because he didn’t have a soul?”
“No, Mark had a soul. God gives everybody a soul.”
“Did he do something wrong before he died?”
“No, honey, Mark didn’t do anything wrong. He just… He just wasn’t allowed to go to heaven.”
“It doesn’t seem fair.”
“No. It doesn’t.”
“Is that why we never go to Father McGuire’s Mass?”
“No, of course not. Father McGuire did what was right. I believe that. I have to believe that. And I want you to believe that.”
“Mom? Are you OK?”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t cry in front of you. I don’t want you to see me cry.”
“I’ve seen you cry before.”
“You have? When? Did it upset you?”
“It did the first time I saw you, but I was pretty little then.”
“The first time? How many times have you seen me cry?”
“I don’t know... It stopped snowing.”
“You should go to bed. It’s late.”
“I don’t want to yet. I wanna go outside first.”
“Outside? Now? It’s freezing! It’s pitch black!”
“I won’t stay out long.”
“Do you want me to go with you?”
“No, I want to go by myself.”
“Alright. Get a dry pair of gloves from your room.”
?????
“Hello Mr. Whiz Crackle.”
“Hello June. It’s nice to see you.”
“Did you know Robert has seen me cry?”
“Yes June, he’s told me. You don’t need to worry.”
“I don’t know if I should have talked with him about Mark tonight.”
“Robert’s been asking about Mark for a while now.”
“Yes. And I’ve wanted to talk with him about it before.”
“Why haven’t you?”
“I’ve been afraid to.”
“Afraid of what?”
“That he won’t believe what Father McGuire told me. That he won’t accept it.”
“Do you?”
“I have to. I have to accept it.”
“Why do you have to accept it?”
“Because he speaks for the Church.”
“I see.”
“I was brought up in the Church. My mother devoted her life to the Church. She respected its authority, and she taught me to respect it. She stayed true to her faith, her whole life. It gave her strength.”
“Did your mother have a stillborn child?”
“No. She didn’t.”
“Your mother was a fortunate parishoner. She was never called to the altar. She had no reason to question her faith. Only your faith has been tested.”
“My faith in the Catholic Church?”
“Your faith in God. Do you believe in God June?”
“Yes, of course I do.”
“A just and merciful God?”
“Yes.”
“Does God want His children to enter the Kingdom of Heaven? To behold the Beatific Vision?”
“Yes.”
“Would He wish to deny this blessing to an innocent child? One taken by His own hand?”
“No, I don’t think He would.”
“Would He wish to confer His grace upon the soul of this child? Would that be His will?”
“Yes, that would be His will.”
“Does God’s will stand before all others?”
“Yes.”
“Before all earthly institutions?”
“Yes.”
“Before all religious authorities, all churches, all liturgies?”
“Yes.”
“Do you believe this to be true with all your heart, and at the full reach of all your faculties?”
“Yes.”
“Then who is the priest to say otherwise.”
“…”
“Does this bring you peace?”
“Yes. It does. It does. Thank you Mr. Whiz Crackle.”
“Mark loves you June. More than anything in the world.”
?????
“Hi mom.”
“Hi Pumpkin. Are you doing OK?”
“Yeah, I’m OK.”
“Are you glad we talked tonight?”
“Yeah.”
“Good. You know, I never asked you, what do you think happened to Mark?”
“You told me what happened. He went to limbo. I believe you.”
“But maybe I was wrong.”
“I’m sure you were right. Father McGuire knows.”
“I don’t want you to say that if it’s not what you believe. I want you to tell me what you really think, no matter what it is.”
“I’m not sure.”
“I wonder what Mr. Whiz Crackle thinks. Have you ever asked him? You told me he is very wise.”
“I asked him once.”
“You did? What did he say?”
“He said that only God knows for sure.”
“Yes, that’s true. Only God knows for—”
“But he thinks Mark went to heaven, because God would want him to go to heaven.”
“I think Mr. Whiz Crackle is right.”
“You do? Really?”
“Yes.”
“I do too.”
“I’m glad. I’m glad you do. I’m glad both of you do. You’re both very wise.”
“I don’t know as much as Mr. Whiz Crackle.”
“Well, I don’t either. Of course not! How could I? You said he knows a lot!”
“He does know a lot!”
“I bet he’s a good teacher too.”
“He is. He’s a really good teacher.”
“Then you must be learning a lot.”
“I hope so.”
“You are. I know you are. I’m sure Mr. Whiz Crackle thinks so too.”
“I made you a snow angel when I was outside.”
“You did?”
“Yes. A perfect one.”
“I… I don’t know what—"
“I love you mom.”
“I love you too Pumpkin. More than anything in the world.”
“I’m gonna go to bed now.”
“Alright Pumpkin. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight mom. I’m glad you think Mark went to heaven.”
“I am too. Thank you for helping me understand that.”
?????
“Hi Mr. Whiz Crackle.”
“Oh, hello Robert. I must have dozed off again. Is it late?”
“Yeah, it’s pretty late.”
“Has your mom gone to bed?”
“She’s going to bed now.”
“You two were up for quite a while tonight.”
“Yes.”
“What did you do?”
“We talked about Mark.”
“Really.”
“Yeah. She thinks Mark went to heaven. She said I helped her understand that.”
“Did you tell her that you love her?”
“Yes.”
“Did it make her happy?”
“It made her really happy.”
“I thought it would.”
“I think I’ll tell her again tomorrow.”
“She would like that.”
“It stopped snowing.”
“Did it? Is there a lot?”
“Yeah, there’s a whole lot!”
“Well, that’s grand.”
“You knew it was going to snow, didn’t you Mr. Whiz Crackle?”
“Me? How would I know that?”
“I don’t know. Did you?”
“There’s really a lot, huh?”
“You’re not gonna tell me, are you?”
“I will tell you a story instead: When I was young, I had a teacher. A very wise teacher. Much wiser than me. I used to ask him questions, all the time. Sometimes he would answer my questions, but sometimes he would not. One day, I asked him why. He said that if I answer all your questions, you will lose something precious. Something you might never find again.”
“What?”
“Wonder.”
“…”
“Do you understand?”
“I think so.”
“Good. That’s good. Do you want to me to tell you the rest of the story?”
“Yeah!”
“Hmmm… I don’t know… Let me think about it for a minute. Hmmmmmmm… OK, I will tell you: One day, when I was about your age, my teacher came to visit me. He said that he would ask me a question, a most important question. He warned me that the question would be difficult, and that the answer might elude me. If I answered the question correctly, he said, he would tell me I got the answer right. But if I did not answer the question correctly, he would not tell me the right answer.
Well, I was very nervous of course. What if I got the answer wrong? He told me to close my eyes, and then he asked me the question. I had no idea what the answer might be! It could be anything! Then, he began counting to five, very slowly. ‘One, twooo…’ And when he reached five, he said I must give him my answer. It seemed impossible! But you know what? I got it right! I couldn’t believe it! Somehow I got the answer right!”
“Wow!”
“Now I will do this with you. Here is the question:”
“What? No!”
“Listen carefully.”
“No! I don’t want you to ask me!”
“Close your eyes.”
“No! Please don’t ask me!”
“Close your eyes, Robert. Here is the question: ‘What is the most important lesson I will teach you?’”
“Mr. Whiz Crackle!”
“Do your best. Maybe you’ll get the answer right. I did.”
“Please!”
“I’m going to count to five.
‘One, twooo…’”
“No! Don’t!”
“‘Threee, fourrrrr…’”
“Mr. Whiz Crackle!!”
“‘Five.’
OK, what is the answer?”
“But I—
“You must give me your answer now. I will tell you if it’s right.”
“I don’t know!!”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“…”
“Good one, huh?”
“Humph.”
“Humph. Good night Robert. We can talk more tomorrow. School will be closed.”
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