Maimy
Dearest Lila,
I know you feel lost, the pain is so so bad, I know child. You called not one soul yesterday. You are wanting to hide away. The pain is so so bad, I know child. You cling to your faith so hard your knuckles turn white. You scream silently and put a smile on your face. Internally crying, screaming out in pain, anger and rage. The pain is so so bad, I know, child, I know! You feel desolate and alone but you envy not other's happiness, if you do it is but for a second. You are truly so very happy for each of them. So you put the smile on your face, suck it up and don't task them to stay. You let them run on to their task hoping they'll stay and plop down on a chair and sit a spell. You want to grab their hand and beam at them and say, "Let me tell you how you have saved me today. You smiled at me, and you waved at me. You hugged me, you sat with me, you called me. You cared about me. You thought about me! You gave me a second of your mind and heart!" But instead they just walk away into their future, into their new day. The pain is so so bad, I know, child, I know! My God, you wish them luck. A relationship fixed, a healthy baby, money coming in unexpectedly, for them to just be o.k. You want that so bad for them you just let them walk away. They say, "See you later", and you nod, of course. While you wonder if you'll be around to see that day. There have been so many times you've wondered if the pain in your head would just explode. You've seen stars from out of this world, lightning as clear as day, yet it was only in your brain. You have witnessed the miracles of Heaven and glimpsed the bowels of Hell! You have been to Valhalla and fell hard for the warrior as bronze as the wheat fields. Who had a smile that equaled the power of Helios and who stole your heart as quickly as Eros. The pain is so so bad, child, I know. I have seen your heart quite literally splinter and explode. So many fragments, blowing forth like shrapnel, one couldn't even count. Oh, the emotional pain is bad, child, but the physical is just as bad. The physical drains you and the mental blows you down. Then together they pounce! They kick, they stomp and stir up a helluva dust. Then they finally ease off just a bit, surely they've finished you once and for all. Finally, they will see the light fade, fade from your beautiful green eyes...just fade. The smell of desolation and heartache fill the air thick and literally clotting. The pain is so so bad, child, honey, I know. I shout to you, Honey, it's ok. Let go, please God, let go. You can go now, it'll all work out. You have done your time, Sweet Child. You've paid your debt, you've done your journey. You are a special one, you have the light inside you and they will haunt your every breath cause you got such a light in you. Now, you go on, child, git! Now, git yourself cross that there threshold of those there Pearly Gates. Get in there bathed in His warm glow. What's that? Course I'm gonna miss you, what kinda darn fool gonna stand there and ask a fool question? You know cotton-pickin well you are the only thing could keep me here on this Earth this long. Now, you go on ahead, child, I'll be along in a short bit. You go on and save me a seat. No, child, don't you stand back up, lie still and rest now, you hear? Ain't you listening? Don't stand back up this time, just don't! Oh, please, child, stay down, I don't know if I can watch them try to take your light again. Please, don't make me watch this nightmare again. They can have anybody on this planet's light, 'cept yours. Yours is a special light, I've known that since they brought you home all pink and bright. You practically glowed. From the moment I saw you and held you I knew you were special, so I prayed right there and then, God, please don't take this one, she's too special. Well, as the years started passing, as they do, I saw your light not full but brighten and grow. I watched you as you grew, how you glowed. Soon enough, I saw some things that were able to dim your shine, if only for a moment. I watched it happen more and more. I watched and I prayed, Not this one God, she is too special. I watched and saw awful things start taking place inside the girl with such a special light. The dimness started happening more and more, lasting longer and longer still. I watched as the pain started and got worse and worse still. There were many a night I held you as you screamed that the pain was so so bad. You cried and screamed and shaked so hard I was sure your tiny body would just come apart. You shaked so bad, I was shaking too, still I held you to my chest and in my heart and head I screamed Not this one God she is special. I watched and prayed through nights of screaming, and nights of quiet anguish. I watched and prayed through light so blinding it hurt my eyes, and days so dreadful I feared after night had fallen there would never be another sunrise. I watched as physical and mental pain, those minions of Lucifer, spotted your light and became hell-bent on extinguishing it. They hurt you over and over again. They'd work on you separately for awhile, both alphas wanting top prize, then they'd join forces and put you through merciless Hell. Attacking and bringing you to the ground. They would back off tired and wanting to enjoy their kill. I'd watch and pray, hearing only the echoes of your screams, The pain is so so bad! There many a time I thought God had finally stopped answering my prayer request. Then I'd see it, the faintest of glows. It would slowly, ever so slowly, brighten pulse and grow. For a time physical and mental pain would leave and hideaway from my precious light. One never knew how long they would lick their wounds and then with a driving force return. Only one thing was for certain and that's that they would. They would come hurtling back like a pig to slop. For your light represented all that they despised. They despised the very pinpoint of your light. Such was your light that you could blind them with a twinkle of your eye. So they came back again and again...and every time you got back up. Miraculously on a wing and a prayer. Then one day I realized how selfish I had been. I wanted you to stay here so bad I prayed for your pain. I watched and prayed for you to shine again. Now, I see the error of my ways, if I truly loved you, long ago I would have told you to just lay on down and rest. Now, you go on and git, go on home, I'm sure your Ma and Pa is wondering what's been keeping you. No, now don't you get up, now I mean it. No, don't you walk over here, now don't you hug me, be a good child and lay on down and rest. Then you say it, the dearest words this tired ol heart will ever hear... " My dearest Maimy, for every time you prayed for me to get back up, I prayed...God, please, let me get up for her. She's so so special to me. Please, let me get back up!" Then you are surrounded by the light of a hundred moons, a glow so magnificent I can not describe... That's right, child, run on, I'll be along.
The End
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