Keep one foot moving
That's what you used to say, but for a long time, I didn't understand—not until you weren't around anymore. Now I find myself up late watching TV on my computer. Now I understand, but I guess that's what it takes when someone you know is not around anymore. You were an odd one, to say the least. You often found joy in the smallest things and knew how to make me laugh with the dumbest jokes. I used to groan, telling you to shut up playfully, but now I miss your dumb jokes. I miss you being around. I still remember the day we got this house—a hand-me-down from your grandfather, right? I didn't see much in it, but you did. You always knew how to make me see the better in things. I miss that. I miss you and the memories we shared in the house—parties, birthdays—now all in the past. It hurts to look around this house and at what once was, which is why I've decided to sell the house, find a couple with the love that we once had, and see if they can make a better ending.
Sometimes late at night, I lay in bed thinking you're still here, wondering if this wasn't all just a bad dream. I would see your face, you would hold me, tell me everything is alright. It's the small things, you know, the small things you take for granted. You don't know what you have till it's gone. The memories of the past you cling onto, trying to bring back what is long dead. I drift off to sleep; it's late, and I'm tired. Sleep is that one time when I don't have to feel, don't have to worry. The pains of real life don't follow me, and for some time, a bit of peace. But much like any cycle, this peace will not last forever, and come morning, I will once again be forced into a world that's greyer with you not around.
Early in the morning, my phone rang and shook me awake. It was the realtor letting me know someone was coming to look at the house later today. I hung up the phone, sliding back into the reality that I'm in. My heart sinks, but nevertheless, I get ready for the day as best I can. I eat, do a bit of cleaning, and tidy some things up to make this shell of a home look welcoming, to give some sense that a life can be formed here, even if my chapter is done. Time moves so fast these days, with nothing to anchor me, nothing to look forward to, nothing waiting for me, just the memories of a bygone time. I miss the way you used to make me feel, the happiness you brought into this house, into my life, now gone. The things that made the days much fuller, to live for better or worse with you, it didn't matter. You could turn a gray day like this back to sun. I know if you were here, you would tell me it's alright, that there's no need to worry, but without you, I falter. The strength I had was because of you. Now the days are dull without you here. I feel so weak without you here, and I hate this feeling, but I can't help it. As much as I try, without you here, things are different.
The afternoon came. I paused, looking out the window. My thoughts wandered. With that, the phone rang, pulling me back into reality. It was the realtor letting me know the couple would be there soon to look at the house. A strange feeling came over me—a mixture of happiness and dread. But still, I can't let these feelings get in the way. The sooner I can sell this house, the sooner I can end that bad dream and, in some ways, be free from this torment. I composed myself and went outside to wait. I opened the door and sat down on the front steps, remembering the first day we moved in. The amount of work, but it was all worth it. We had a place of our own, a place where I thought we could be happy, that maybe everything would be alright. But there is no happy ending to this story. Not everyone gets one, and that's just the way things go. There are some things you can't fight. But still, after everything was said and done, the couple loved the house, so I can end this chapter of my life and make new memories. It will not be easy, of course not, but still, I'll make the best of it, even though you're no longer here.
I will miss this place for what it meant to us and what it gave us, but at least, even if our future wasn't meant to be, I can still give someone theirs.
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