Suicidal Note
There on the shore, before the ocean,
I talked with God- devoid of motion
Like windless, cloudy night I stood
Becoming One with ease and solitude.
In lack of anger and of morbid noise-
Possessed by calm and even voice-
I asked Him why so soon she left
And yet of bliss I felt not bereft.
"Beloved Son! With angels august on a par-
Endowed with insight, thy precious gift don't mar!
She did forsake you but so did transient spring!
They always come...away they always shrink
Until you turn into their sorrow's constant heir
And their sorrow seems so comfortable for you to bear!
But yet, to give the proper answer
To why your heart by weird cancer
Is being eaten to the very bone,
Yet pain you feel as much as feels a stone,
I must go back to the first sunrise-
The one that soared through virgin skies.
The times when man collided with the devil
To share all his knowledge and his evil.
The times when I by anger overrun
Have made them leave the garden of the Sun-
Adam and Eve- the very fruits of my will free
Expelled for wishing freedom, chastened brutally.
It was not jealousy that tossed me in the sinful act
Rather, I was scared to be abandoned, but in fact
I am now lonesome just like long ago
And regret is slowly cankering my soul.
Those were the times when she last was here-
A spirit so supreme, a touch incorporeal.
Existing long before me, no creation of mine,
Than me, the Lord, this being was even more divine.
Disgusted by the unforgiveness and the rage which in me burned
She left this world so mournful and never have returned.
But right before this beauty unwillingly flew off
A word she gently whispered- the word, I think, was "Love".
Since then I have been looking for this majesty unheard
But every time I find this strange and stupid word.
You see, the answer to your question I've made away to sail
And all, it seems, my fault is- I am the God that failed!"
Copyright © Dimitar Kovachev | Year Posted 2007
|