Dear Sister
I couldn't see your struggles, or perhaps I missed a sign.
I wish I would've noticed, noticed you weren't fine.
You laughed with me the day before...
And now I wish that I would've said "I love you more."
I was ready to go to church, but then I heard a crash.
I wasn't sure if it was you, but anyway I got up in a dash.
I saw you lying there I was screaming your name.
I screamed, but there was no response. I felt it was my fault, I felt the blame.
I didn't know the demons your were fighting.
I only saw you laugh as Umie was biting.
I called Mom and she told me to shake you.
However I knew you were gone because your skin was blue.
I ran to the kitchen, I ran to Dad.
He shook and screamed with no response, I knew that it was bad.
I did as Dad asked and I called nine-one-one.
However, your demons fought a battle and this one they won.
The medics and firefighters came and did everything they could
If I could go back in time and change what happened I would
I didn't know the things keeping you up at night
However, I do know what happened to you wasn't right,
I got calls and texts asking if I was okay.
I thought I wasn't, but the pain I was feeling was child's play.
Instead of them asking me, I should've asked you.
I thought you were getting better, I didn't know you were so blue.
We went through our day and we moaned your death.
We cried because that day you took your last breath.
I will always be sad that you went so young.
I wish I had picked up the phone when it had rung.
I want to go back and help you with your trouble.
I could've helped you, helped you out of the rubble.
You are gone now and there's nothing I could do.
But know that I love you and I'll miss you too.
Many told me, "I'm here if you need anything."
Those people just never asked you when all you needed was one big thing.
Your cries were help were labeled at attention.
However if you were asked you would've able to mention.
You didn’t deserve to feel the way you did.
If someone would’ve reached out your problems would’ve rid
You didn’t deserve to die
Maybe it would be difference if someone would’ve noticed when you would cry.
I was at the mall the day before you went away.
The last time we talked I called you back, I wanted to know what you wanted to say.
You told me that you called to ask what soda I wanted from the store.
We finished talking so I said I love you, and as I hung up the phone my heart tore.
I didn't it know it then, but I know it now.
The last thing I said was I love you, but others didn't get the chance I got.
Oh, wow.
You are gone from Earth, but you aren't forgotten.
I wish I would've cared more instead of being so rotten.
You loved me so much my whole life.
Maybe if I would've showed you the love you showed me you would've one day been someone's wife.
You are gone now and I don't know what to say.
I just know I want to go back and be there before you left that way.
I'm so sorry big sister.
I didn't realize your life was a twister.
You were spiraling out of control and I didn't help you out.
Instead all I did after you were gone was cry and shake and shout.
I loved you so much,
But you'll never know what I thought about you such
as how I loved that one pair of shoes
or how I loved your magic kisses that healed my boo-boos.
It was Sunday, January Two-Nine,
I woke up and you seemed fine.
A few hours later and you were gone.
If only I would've awoken you at dawn...
I couldn't see your struggles, or perhaps I missed a sign.
I wish I would've noticed, noticed you weren't fine.
You laughed with me the day before...
I wish that before you left I could've said that "I love you more."
Copyright © Joann Saloga | Year Posted 2020
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