The vastness within
I grow dizzy beneath the night sky,
as if my thoughts have drifted too far
and forgotten the path back to me—
between fading streetlight
and a silence that won’t settle.
I keep moving through it all
not for victory,
not even for meaning anymore,
but for a quiet place in myself
where nothing demands to be proved.
I once wanted a life without weight:
days that didn’t resist me,
joy that didn’t ask for return,
time flowing forward gently
like it had no memory of pain.
But life didn’t stay like that.
It shifted slowly, without warning—
not cruel, not kind, just real—
and every attempt to escape it
only brought me back to the same room.
Somewhere behind me, voices thinned.
Plans I once held tightly
lost their sharp edges.
My father’s quiet faith
still sits in me somewhere,
and my mother’s hope
feels like a small light left on
in an empty house.
I ran toward pleasure
and called it freedom.
At first it felt like warmth—
then it started to fade
without leaving the room.
Now I understand a little more:
pain and pleasure aren’t opposites—
they trade places too easily
to be enemies.
So I stay here—
not resolved, not victorious,
just someone learning
how to carry a life
that doesn’t explain itself,
while the world keeps turning
without asking permission.
Copyright © ather matrix | Year Posted 2026
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