The Cycle I Can’t Break
i done it again after months of resisting it
a tear fell as i picked it up, knowing i would regret it the next morning
i held the pin as my trembling hands tried to work the lighter
i closed my eyes
as i held the hot metal against my skin
it felt like a relief
distracting me
from the thoughts i try so hard to get away from
the next morning i wake and panic as my mum walks in the door, rushing to cover my arm that still stings from the night before
i look down at what i’ve done to myself and instantly regret it
the following night i’ll pick it up and do it again,
knowing it’s bad and not a good way to cope i watch as my skin turns red as my eyes fill with tears and the pain goes through my body
its weird though
because most people would scream at that pain but to me it makes me feel relieved
and maybe on day i’ll find a way to stop
Copyright © Freya Bullock | Year Posted 2026
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