Borrowed words prayers and time
Borrowed Words, Prayers, and Time
The dissociative tendencies
started far before first tragedy.
When my heart beat ceased
I began to vibrate on a different…
Frequency.
I’ve died before, but nothing like this.
You’d think it would be the last.
When my consciousness began to lift
I watch from above and below,
My body slowly convulse .
But the colors…
Pulsing, swimming, gliding through the room. Filling every space but never crowded.
Everything went quiet,
Calm and consistent.
Seamlessly coexisting.
And there was plenty of room for me
There weren’t many thoughts. No flashbacks. No memories.
Just me and the energies. The entities?
Maybe it was every junkie here before me?
I always thought of my mind as a place of chaos.
though I heard no sound, the static was palpable in every atom of my being.
And I begin to surrender.
“To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure”
But this can't be it.
‘Goddess why now?’ I ask her.
The only coherent thought I had that didn’t come in the form of a feeling.
But I knew why.
And maybe it was that.
Or just was pure luck,
Or the narcan and shock pads,
Or cute EMT who really fought.
Fought for me have a yet another chance.
A Chance at amends..
A Chance to choose me!
A chance to clean up in more ways than one.
I’m not even close to done!
I still have so much healing,
So much progress,
Suppressed feelings,
Subconscious trauma.
I’m not who I’m supposed to be yet.
I know that for a fact.
“You don’t have nine lives princess, you’re not a fuxking cat”
I know mom, I use humor to cope
I’m immortal silly!
Long as I stay away from dope.
Copyright © Amira Rinker | Year Posted 2025
|