Eternal Sadness of A Hurting Mind
I live in an eternal state of sadness
And it’s not like I want to
It’s just nothing else feels right
Walking around with an empty heart feels better than walking around with a full one
At least there will still be space left when it breaks again
Walking around with bags under my eyes is better than walking around with a spark in my eyes
Because I can always sleep without worrying about keeping the light on
Wearing all black to blend in to the background is better than being known
At least I can disappear into my own world without anyone noticing
It just feels right
Listening to music 24/7 to distract myself from the realness of what I feel
The only time the cracks in my reality show up is when an ad pops up
When the world gets too loud
I can count on the bass booming in my ears to drown out the ambiance I hate so much
Walking hand in hand with memories of the past
Late night talks with the ghosts that I used to call by name
The weight of guilt crushing me everyday
Making my psyche break then snap back into place
The echoes of what was once a happy life surround me
Making my heart even more hollow
I’ve gotten used to it
I’ve gotten used to the taste of the medicine I was prescribed
Yet I don’t always take it
I don’t want to always take it
Because it’s weird to feel the sun shine on my face and feel… something
Instead of looking up at the moon and feeling nothing
Yet that is the realm I exist in
A constant state of sadness
A place of no escape but infinite returns
A place I simply call
Home.
Copyright © TJ Samuels | Year Posted 2025
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