Cursed in your kindness
my lord, my lord… do not turn your face from me.
your love is the only certainty i cling to
when everything else slips through my fingers
like water fleeing a cracked vessel.
and yet—
you gave me a heart that beats like a prophecy,
full of love it has nowhere to place,
overflowing into emptiness
as if the emptiness were its purpose.
i don’t understand you.
i don’t understand why you shaped me like this—
with a longing that feels older than my bones,
with a hunger that refuses to die,
with a space inside me
even your presence sometimes cannot quiet.
did you mean to leave part of me untouched?
a piece of wilderness inside my chest
where even your light falters?
did you plant yearning in me like a thorn,
to remind me of something i lost
before i ever had it?
my lord, i cannot tell if i am blessed or punished.
i cannot tell if this heart you gave me
is meant to be an altar
or a wound.
for if i am not destined to be loved,
why give me a heart fluent in it—
a heart that keeps speaking love
into silences that never answer back?
but if i am meant to be loved,
then why delay it?
why let me wander the years
with this ache gnawing the edges of my faith?
why let me question the very hands
that shaped my soul?
tell me, lord—
am i created to love without return,
to offer and offer until i am emptied?
or will a day come
when the love you carved me for
finally recognizes me,
finally arrives,
finally fills the hollow
you placed beneath my ribs?
i do not know which script you wrote for me.
i only know the ache
and the silence it keeps.
Copyright © Jay Kirk | Year Posted 2025
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