Maybe
Some days I really wonder
If I did things differently
Loved you more
Held you closer
Maybe even loved you less
If we would still be together
Some days I wonder
If I let you toy with me long enough
If I would be your favorite
Some days I wonder
If I cried less tears
Or if I told you I needed you
That you wouldn’t have gone
Like leaves in the wind
Some days I wonder
If I’ll ever be able to feel again
Some days I wonder
If the stars would have aligned
Maybe in some universe
If it would have ever been me and you
Some days I wonder
If it was really only my body you wanted
Or if you got annoyed by my laugh
Or the way I go quiet
Or maybe even the awkward sleep patterns I have
Some days I wonder
If I never let you in
Let you into my personal space
Or let you inside
Maybe things would be different
Maybe you would have stuck around
To see my personality shine
Or my smile glow
Or my endless desire to give you my all
Even when there is nothing there
Maybe if I didn’t fill your glass when I was empty
Maybe just maybe
You would have stuck around
But maybe it’s better to only feel this pain some days
Maybe it’s better
Better than having to hear your endless lies
Or let you sink your sharp teeth into my sides
Or to feel the tears fall out of my eyes
And into my soul
Some days I wonder
Would it have been better if I just never met you?
Would it have been better
Not to kiss the very lips that whispered sweet nothings?
Not to have been so desperate
Sitting there as the sun set
Sweating and pacing
Wondering if you were ever coming home
The steps of your porch
Almost as broken as I felt
I waited for four hours
Just to simply have a conversation
But as the words left my mouth
They went over your head
And straight into the ground
The very ground that my broken heart will forever lie.
So the question is
If things happened differently
Would it have ended the same?
Copyright © Morgan Kosanovich | Year Posted 2024
|