Haunted
I had to admit that it was different.
Part of me feels like we needed to reconnect in order to facilitate a proper goodbye
and not admit to ourselves that it was idealized.
We deserved that, at least
I had missed her but
when I touched her
the ghost of the hands of another reminded me that she left
She left with the intention of never coming back.
She had left.
She had left me.
I loved her and maybe always will
Only loving her this time didn't feel like a sacrifice
I loved myself just enough to notice
When we moved together our bodies were the same but
contrived or not she tried to teach her heart to beat for another
She left.
Sleeping beside her reminded me of sleeping without her
Hearing her apologize only reminded me of what she was sorry for
The fact was she had left me and she couldn't un-leave me.
For the remainder of the time we would spend together
When she left a room I couldn't help but think of what it felt like when she didn't come back
Even when she brushed her teeth, I was reminded her toothbrush still probably sat in a holder of someone else's sink.
I tried to love her but not fearlessly like I had in the past
because I wondered what it would have meant for me.
I refused to find out what it may have meant for my soul to knowingly live in a haunted house
Copyright © Caseyana Culotta | Year Posted 2023
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