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The Stain of Time

only i can heal the wounds of time. 
my lungs feel heavy, full of sand
my room is too quiet
i sit at my laptop
type three words
then delete all of them
because my mind can’t understand why you’d want us to lose 
i send 13 texts 
unlucky number, i know 
but it’s the word limit for us 
i sent 20 two nights before 
and you deleted all the pictures of us 
i sent 14 yesterday
and now you’re silent 
maybe radio silence is best 
that way your words won’t open new scars
yet i’d rather those scars be just as fresh 
id rather talk about nothing until we fall asleep 
id rather you scream at me 
just so i can hear your voice 
and i check my phone 13 times 
because maybe you’ve decided you still love me 
but questions continue to hang in the air
linger 
all that was certain isn’t anymore 
i hate change
because it’s never for the best 
i try not to cry, and then i do 
and there’s no sweet release 
just choking up and feeling sorry for myself 
i wish you’d just talk to me
now i know your favourite colour
your biggest fear 
what you want when the curtains close
i still have so much to tell you 
so many plans for us 
i just want to be able to breathe again
it feels wrong to go back to being strangers.

Copyright © Blue Ercoli | Year Posted 2023

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Book: Shattered Sighs