Excremental
I cooked a pie with
For my husband, the old git,
Cos he really had been upsetting me
I used a very special pastry
That was so light and tasty
To help disguise the flavour, OMG!
The carrots, leeks and onions
Simmered nicely on the hob
This is going to be a really special pie
Stock cubes, spices, worcester sauce
All went in with force
The bastard, I hope it makes him die!
You see, amongst his clothes upon the floor,
It's his floordrobe that's for sure
I found his mobile and a text that read
Angela I love you, I cannot wait to see you
And do unpronounceable things to you in bed!
My Name is not Angela!!!
So this needs a lot of thought
And manners I'd been taught
So I'll make him this very special meal
If he doesn't gag and hurl
His stomach will be in such a whirl
And make him oh so very ill.
Two final ingredients left
To go in this special pie
ake mushrooms and gathered from my lawn
Our dog will play his part
Because of Angela, the tart
It's fresh, steaming and still warm!
At the dining table that night
I could not hide my delight
When he covered his with gravy and tucked in
I forgot to mention, wasn't my intention
That my portion went straight into the bin
I am also cooking dessert
Which with any luck will hurt
Custard simmering nicely on the hob
With added mobile phone and sim
I hope that it chokes him
Next thing going in will be his nob!
Later in the evening
He looked at me and said
Darling, did you find a mobile phone and sim
It belongs to my mate Joe
He left it in the pub you know
Ground, please open up and swallow me in!!!
Copyright © Linda Hewett | Year Posted 2019
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