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Sometimes, But

Sometimes I wish I didn't have children
(Not because I don't love them
I do
Wholeheartedly
Ridiculously
Almost to a fault)
Because I'm tired of letting them down.

And without children
I'd be permitted to leave
This place
This mind
This...
With a snap of finger
Or a twig
Or a neck.

But I have children
And I know they'd wonder
And ask why
And replay, 
And replay,
And replay.

Yet I'm so afraid
Of continuing to disappoint them
And myself
And of knowing that if I ever think
That I'd do less damage to them gone
Than being present...

Snap.

Copyright © Amy Cor | Year Posted 2018

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Book: Shattered Sighs