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Allyson Whitfield Poem
When I was young, most of the words I heard were kind
There was never cursing in my house
At least, not in front of me
When I was young, I never saw my dad cry, or laugh much
The first time I remember him crying was at my 5th grade continuation
He didn’t cry when I told him about my thoughts
He didn’t cry when I told him about my sexual assault
He learned only to cry tears of happiness
His emotions were forbidden
When I was young, my mom used to tell me that certain things I said made her sad
They made her sad because they were true
I learned this when my younger brother called her an alcoholic
She said ‘That makes me sad’
My brother was 6
When I was young, my parents got divorced
I was in the 3rd grade
When they told my brother and I
I went to my dad to cry
My mom was jealous, and thought I would choose him over her
So she lied
She deflected everything she had done onto him
That’s how I learned to lie
That’s how I learned my mom was a child predator
When I was young, I took care of my brother
My dad wasn’t allowed to see us
My mom was always busy with her lies
So I took the role
I was 8
It skewed my mental age
I acted like I was 11
Now I’m stuck 3 years ahead
When I was young, I struggled when my mental health
In 3rd grade I was diagnosed with GAD and MDD
I was a suicide risk
Later in life my therapist brought up OCD
And then PTSD
And then OSDD
When I was young, I was sexually assaulted
I was in Kindergarten
He was in 2nd grade
Every day
On the bus
The front row
Why didn’t the bus driver do anything?
I feel bad for the kid who sat across from us
He saw it
He would always ask if we were kissing
I wonder if he remembers
I only realized in 5th grade
I wonder if he knows now
I wonder where he is now
I hope he’s okay
I hope he’s forgotten
I hope he has no idea
I hope he’s doing great in school
I hope he never goes through what I went through
I wouldn’t wish that on anyone
Not even that 2nd grader on the bus
Who I’m in school with to this day
I see him in the halls
I hear his name
I take my pills and move away
Thats how I live
Day-to-day
Copyright © Allyson Whitfield | Year Posted 2026
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