Long Funnyfriend Poems
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Some social obligations must be observed, I suppose,
But some leave me unnerved and somewhat morose.
One such tribal ritual is the dreaded hospital visitation,
A social call that I approach with very little anticipation!
Usually its some guy who's a friend of a friend of my spouse,
So I grudgingly traipse along to please the lady of my house.
The hapless guy doesn't want to be there, neither do I.
I'd rather be fishing on a placid lake with my rod and fly!
Sprawled upon the bed he resembles a mummy wound in sheets,
Sprouting tubes and needles, bandaged from chin to feets.
To make conversation, I exclaim, "Gee, you're looking swell!"
My wife kicked my shin - I could barely suppress a yell!
Nursey comes by to give a shot that sets his head a-reeling.
In his stupored state he just stares blankly at the ceiling.
I can think of no words of hope or sick humor to impart.
Lord, ain't there a way I can quickly, tactfully depart?
I've oft wondered if the patient dreads the visit as much as me,
Tho' I think there's one thing on which we can both agree.
Rather than trying to cheer his soul with inane trumpery,
Just smile a lot, hold his hand and cease the humbuggery!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired (© All Rights Reserved)
(This is a fictional poem)
Last year my friend was being sexually harassed.
Every time his boss saw him, she pinched his ___.
She thought she'd get away with it because he was a man.
She intended to make him her love toy, that was her plan.
That perverted lady made my friend strip.
Every time they went on a business trip.
I decided to tell his wife what was going on.
She grabbed her mower but not to mow the lawn.
She ran the mower over that lady's face, it was the most horrible thing I'd ever seen.
Now that ***** makes the bride of frankenstein look like a beauty queen.
That lady may have or may not have deserved what she got.
If you're considering harassing my friend, you'd better not.