Long Funnyfire Poems
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On Sunday the Eighth of October 1871 shortly after nine o'clock at night,
The Great Chicago Fire began causing panicked folks to flee in fright!
'Twas alleged that Mrs. O'Leary's cow kicked a lantern to start the conflagration.
She and her hapless cow were "udderly" condemned by an outraged nation!
There was prejudice against the Irish and the O'Leary's were to blame,
For owning a cow, owning a barn and the lantern that ignited the flame!
But they were hardworking immigrants who'd saved $500 to buy the place,
To make a home for their family and the American dream embrace.
When the fire began a warning rang out from the courthouse bell,
But at 2:05 AM the massive bell crashed down as it tolled its final knell!
Since the entire town was constructed of wood, folks were asking for trouble,
And as a result old Chicago town was left in a smoldering heap o' rubble!
From the beginning of the fire everything that could go wrong went wrong!
Horses pulling fire engines ran helter-skelter scared by clanging bell and gong!
The fire left 100,000 citizens homeless and about 300 people perished,
Along with their cats and dogs and most everything else they cherished!
Well, it transpired that Mrs. O'Leary and her cow received a bum rap!
That dear little lady was in her bed when the fire began enjoying a nap!
Strangely, her barn and two cottages were spared in the Great Chicago Fire!
They were finally demolished in 1956 should anyone happen to inquire!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
In a old old rambling structure
Down on the street called Broadway
Upper floors that had been deserted
For many and many a day
Lighting a fire
Starting to pondering
Things from long ago
Remembering songs and legends
Stories that I had been told
The fire light began to flicker
Then undressing for the night
By only a little candle light
Once in bed down under the covers
Slowly going to sleep
Off to dreamland I remembered
Then something pulled at the sheet
Starting to hear chains rattling
Whining through the loosened glass
Then deciding it was nothing
Pull the covers up past my calf
No more than I had pulled them
When something or someone
Snatched them away
That's when I grabbed them
With my heart beating away
Up over my head and snuggled
Hoping that they would stay
But that was not possible
So up I sat in bed
Looking around was when I saw It
Footprints as big as an elephant head
I decided to start talking
Facing my fear straight on
Is when I discovered
Cardiff Giant ghost in my room
I told him to sit down
But then on second thought
Was going to say don't
When he sat, the chair
Fell ascunder and broken
Parts were over the floor
Pieces of tail bone and broken chair
Even a rib and wrist bone was there
Then sat on the bed and in a heap
We're on the floor
Finally I told him
No more, no more
Just sit on the floor
I gave him my red blanket
He used my chamber as a hat
Then we talk about his
Situation what do you think of that
I finally told him
That he really wasn't a wondering ghost
He was just plaster of paris
An imitation to trick folks
That he was really buried
In Albany and was haunting
A cheap plaster form of himself
So off he went in the darkness
Saying don't let this story get out
That I don't even know my own remains
As he laid the pipe on the mantel
Down the street he lumber along
(Idea taken from "A Ghost Story" by Mark Twain. Please forgive me Mark Twain because I
did not do this story justice and definitely not the poem.) (As they say there is a big
difference in having something to say and having to say something.) It did stretch my
thinking and creativeness.
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