Just like football I am penalized
My wife says for being off sides
I just wanna snuggle a little bit
But you know them football brides
She wears black and white pajamas to bed
With that stupid whistle around her wrist
She blows that thing whenever I snore
And man do I get pissed
I say,"What was that for, what did I do?"
She said, "Delay of sleep for snoring too loud"
She even plays a recording that she had made
That sounds like a cheering crowd
I even won a prize in a cereal box
And did a little dance in jubilation
Again she blows that stupid whistle
Unsportsman like conduct, excessive celebration
So I asked her one day, "What's this about,
are you ever gonna stop this at all?"
She said, "Honey I just can't help it, it's your shape,
Cause you look like a giant football"
The Football Major
By Elton Camp
Though the big oaf can kick a football so high,
Of skills for college work, he lacks a good supply
The old saying is true in his case without a doubt
“Behind the door when the brains were passed out.”
But there is a provision that gives him great elation
Because he can always major in physical education
He can learn all about the types of sports of today,
If he passes enough courses, he’ll be eligible to play
Will he ever be eligible to get his bachelor’s degree?
If there are compliant professors who to that will see
Then he may walk out the door, sheepskin in hand
So a job coaching football he will be able to land
Then a “Master of Education” from an inferior school
And as principal, the big oaf will finally come to rule
Though a coherent sentence he is so unable to write,
Others cover up and the coach will come out all right
Those far more competent than he, the coach can fire
And in their place, some of his sports buddies to hire
What message to the students does such as this send?
It’s not what you know, but who that matters, friend