Best Funnyschool Poems
"I never travel without my diary - One should have something sensational to read"
...Oscar Wilde, 1891
30 May 48: I graduated from high school today now thank God I'm free!
No more doggone homework, perplexing algebra or teachers bugging me!
7 Jul 48: Enlisted in the Air Force today! Good Lord! What have I done!
The sarge said, "Forget Mom, Dad and Susie Q! You're now mine, my son!"
21 Oct 48: Finished basic training today with about a hundred other guys.
I thought it'd be more like a Boy Scout Camp! Boy, was I in for a surprise!
15 Feb 49: Graduated tech school at Fort Warren and sent to the Bermuda Isles.
Quite a change for a country boy! Water, water everywhere for miles and miles!
12 Oct 52: Was married tonight at Perrin AFB with Vera as my beautiful bride!
She was very pert and calm, but diary, I was somewhat nervous I must confide!
23 Aug 54: Our family grew by one today! Leanna, a little girl, my fondest wish!
She was measured by a nurse holding her by the heels! Just like measuring a fish!
15 Aug 55: Boarded a crowded troopship in New York and set sail for Morocco.
Was beset with a bit of mal de mer since the ship was wallowing to and fro!
17 Oct 57: Our little 'arab' Leslie was born today near Casablanca! What a dolly!
She has a hearty set of lungs, but that's OK, she's a healthy little dude, by golly!
11 Jan 68: Son Mark was born at the Air Force Academy and seemed a healthy tot!
9 Apr 68: Alas, we buried Mark today at Evergreen. Boy, do we miss him a lot!
24 Jun 71: My family and I arrived in Tokyo, Japan, to begin our three-year tour!
Japanese is foreign! For "good morning" do I say, "ohio gazamus" or "bon jour?"
1 May 74: Chaplain Porter notified me that I had been promoted to Chief!
Happy day, dear diary! I've reached the highest rank! What a blessed relief!
1 Aug 78: I retired today at Offutt AFB, after 30 wonderful years of service!
After wearing the 'blue suit' all those years, wearing civvies makes me nervous!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
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Placed No. 3 in Constance La France's "The Diary" Contest - April 2011
My room is never clean,
But that is not my fault,
It is the monster under my bed who does it,
He’s the one to call.
I’ll organize my school books,
And then I’ll make my bed.
I’ll do all my laundry,
And make sure my fish aren’t dead,
But when I go to school,
The monster will come out!
Destroying all in his path,
And eating fish, no doubt!
Although when I get yelled at
By my mom, it’s not nice
For the monster not to take credit,
For he’s the destroying device!
So I’m staying home from school today,
To make sure I can see
That darn monster destroy,
But where could he be?
He left nail polish on the floor,
And my carpet’s stained with tea,
Oh my gosh this is horrible,
The monster, is me!
They’re smoking Lucky’s; watching Hit Parade;
And Ronald Regan; with his Death Valley days.
What’s that I’m hearing; is it in my head;
I hear a rumbling; while I lay in bed.
I can’t believe it; do I hear a new beat;
I’m out of bed now; and I’m on my feet.
The room is rocking; and my body rolls;
They’re screaming at me; but I won’t be controlled.
They call me Rebel; and they say I’m no good;
But let me rock you; like I know that I could
She wears a hairdo; that is high on her head;
She wears a short skirt; that just lays me dead.
And Little Richard; with his new Ding-a-ling;
When school is over; we can shake that thing.
Here comes a girl now; in her high school sweater;
And it’s for sure I’d like to know her better.
We fell in love; but it broke our hearts;
I sit alone now in our favorite park.
I’m just so lonely; won’t you Stand By Me
I’m drifting and drifting baby; out on this sea.
The joint was jumping; down on honky- tonk street;
And from a Cadillac; stepped a cat named Pete.
I now am twenty one; and I’m hitting the clubs;
I’m watching Charlie Musslewhite; play at the pub.
Two hours driving and I’m at the gate;
I’m seeing B.B. and I just can’t wait.
Look at those hippies; with their unkempt hair;
But that girl is pretty; standing over there.
And I hear Jimmy; singing Light My Fire;
A purple haze surrounds me; with my burning desire.
They say I’m drafted; but what does this mean;
I’ve been unwanted; since before I was eighteen
Those Golden Ribbons; and those fortunes of war;
What will it matter if we’re not here no more?
The band is singing; of their Big Ten Inch
And on my T.V.; is the Christmas Grinch.
I guess I’m nothing but some Bad Company;
And I’m a rebel; which I guess you can see
I asked the bank; for a loan or a grant;
They want collateral; so I pulled down my pants.
These songs are playing; may they never end;
And if I had to; I would do it again