Best Funnygraduation Poems
The invitations were sent to alumni far and near,
To gather for the school reunion later in the year.
The ultimate occasion to turn on all the old charm,
And fondly remember those who have bought the farm!
Ladies wear tight-fitting girdles to shrink the pounds.
Guys try crash diets to reduce flabbiness that abounds.
It's been over half a century since our graduation day.
It'll be intriguing to see how others fared along the way!
Old pals circulate boasting and bending my weary ear,
Regaling with boring trivia that I really don't want to hear.
I tell others how great they look, looking them straight in the eye,
As I cross my fingers behind my back for telling such a lie!
It appears that the campus queen totes a bit of additional weight.
That once haughty snob now tips the scales nigh one ninety-eight!
There's the big man on campus, voted the most apt to score success,
Guzzling booze as is his bent, displaying a bit of queasiness!
The years have elapsed, rolling on at a frightful pace,
But as long as docs keep us patched up we'll stay in the race!
To perhaps convene once again down life's treacherous road.
If not here, than a rousing reunion in that heavenly abode!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(© All Rights Reserved)
How Many Gimmies Do You Get?
By Elton Camp
The story that I tell you is all too true
I used to get as many gimmies as you
Until finally there came to be the day
When that greedy game I wouldn’t play
An engraved invitation I was sent one year
About a distant cousin’s sweet little dear
Little Lulu’s kindergarten graduation is due
If you can’t come, we’d like a gift from you
Those weren’t just the words they selected
But I very well knew that a gift was expected
No matter that their brat I wouldn’t recognize
That minor fact didn’t stop gift-seeking tries
One time a “friend of a friend” had the gall
For me to attend their son’s wedding to call
They also included the URL of an online site
It meant, “This lists the gifts that will delight.”
But the one that produced the greatest surprise
Contained a name that I totally didn’t recognize
Next month, my high school diploma I’ll get
Don’t try to come because there’s no place to sit
This is why I call “Gimmies” all such invitations
Because gifts are clearly the sender’s expectation
So when you think of “inviting” me, understand
The gimmie will go straight into the garbage can
got a PHD
from the universityl of
hard knocks
the sheep skin framed
and hanging on my wall
reminding me of
my accomplishments
graduating with honors
top of my class
no one could touch me
studied hard for that
as I move the tassel
from the left to right
shaking hands with
those that taught me
on graduation night