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The next thing I knew, there was a pain in my head likemy sinuses were cracking. The Santa Ana winds had comeback, and the whole city of L.A. was acting like it had
PMS. I heard high heels on the linoleum floor of the outeroffice. She came in wearing a pair of clam diggers thathad obviously never been to a beach, and a halter top thathad been in a dryer for three weeks on high. My contactlenses popped out and went looking for water. She saidshe'd give me three hundred clams if I helped her findher uncle..."
Sure, baby."
So I went to her apartment at eight to get a down payment of clams
I knocked on her door
There was no answer
I knocked again, hard this time
The door swung ajar..it wasn't a pretty sight
It looked like a moonscape
The plants were all brown and shriveled and the leaves were falling off her banana fern
The Pup and Taco I'd had for lunch was doing lesson three from Arthur Murray
I ran to the bathroom, but she was there...
Out cold
Indiscreet
In the flesh
In the tub
Surrounded by countless empty bottles and jars of skin care lotion
She was so slippery I couldn't pick her up
I had to slap her around to bring her to
Her eyelids fluttered, she looked at me
And I saw In the eyes of my Santa Ana Woman In the eyes of my Santa Ana Woman In the eyes of my Santa Ana Woman
We spent the next three days raising the humidity in her apartment
And then she got a call from the Amazon
It was her uncle
She didn't even bother to pack the chapstick
The next thing I knew she was gone and the smog was back
And I can't help but wonder:
What made her think I was a detective? In the eyes of my Santa Ana Woman In the eyes of my Santa Ana Woman In the eyes of my Santa Ana Woman
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