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There's something I'd like Santa, may I ask,
I don't want lots of presents, just this one,
delivery won't be an easy task
so do the rest, leave mine till later on.
As long as you can drop her off by dawn
since I don't want the neighbours all to see
and start the gossip rounds on Christmas morn
it will make life much easier for me.
Her graceful curves are bound to turn some heads
she's cool and smooth, an object of pure lust
adorned with one shade, Queen of all the reds
mirror polished and not prone to rust.
Mankind has still not built a motor yet
as gorgeous as the '69 Corvette.
If I am on your naughty list may I
humbly offer some words in my defence
for maybe you will then understand why
what I did, and thus it may make some sense.
Inside a restroom stall at work I took
from it's dispenser all the toilet roll
and left one sheet inside so it would look
like it was full when viewed through the small hole.
A guy we hate goes in there every day
to sit and read, and do a number two
so pulling this prank was our little way
of getting our revenge,as one must do.
And the prank worked, for soon it came to pass
he used his newspaper to wipe his ass.
Now, nobody got hurt, no-one got blamed
it looked like an unhappy accident
but he got his comeuppance just the same
and that was fine, since it was our intent.
Let's face it if you read from front to back
it's mainly crap in all the newspapers
and he just added more with our 'attack'
and still is ignorant of our mean caper.
Santa, I know you preach goodwill to all
and don't like to wish anybody ill
please forgive me I hope that you'll still call
there's mince pies and drinks on the windowsill.
Just park it on the drive, and if you please
through my letterbox can you drop the keys.
For contest 'From your lips to Santa's ears' sponsor Phillip Garcia
December 1st 2017
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