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I see darkness; coldness; an abyss. I feel cold; lonely; and fear. I know not of how I am able to change my current course in the sea of indifference. My oars are but a shell of the person I used to be. My boat is a hollowed out soul. The fear I feel is irrational, but it’s my truth. My anchor is the pain of my anguished self. The water I float on is the tears that I can’t cry and hold within. My destination is unknown but not worth the trip. My navigation equipment is the smile of yours that I will never be able to obtain.
Does the course make the person or does the person make the course? Will we ever know until we get there? Is the pain of life worth the trip? When does one know when the trip is even over? When we die? Is it before our death? Is it after our death? Does it even matter? Why do we make impossible plans for our future, when our present needs the most tending? How can I allow one person dictate how I choose to course my voyage? Not anymore.
I tried to hold on to you with whatever strength I had. I don’t have the strength any longer. Now you are nothing more than debris in the river I am forging. Your opinion is like a drop of water in the midst of the ocean I have taken my voyage on. The tides are lower everyday because I no longer cry over you. There is nothing left for me to do, but to ride on my present course, and to find my true inner self. My course has been changed. My navigation set anew. Now my course shall be whatever I choose. No longer will it be what I think you would have me choose. Never again, will you be my tugboat. I am my own ship now!
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