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Enter Poem or Quote (Required)Required Lately I've been a sh*tty friend. I haven't been in therapy for a few months, and I can tell need to go back. I am so, so angry. I wish I could pressure wash the thoughts from my mind. It is 10:53pm on August 8th. Yesterday, I had 6 of my broken teeth fixed at the dentist. A year ago today, My ex hit me in the face before bed. I stood up to leave, I tried to push past him, and he screamed into my ear; "DON'T YOU F*CKIN DO THAT. GET IN THE F*CKIN BED." I got into the bed. 4 days later, 361 days ago, He threw me on the floor, Then he kicked me repeatedly. I still had to stand at the BBQ and make dinner afterward. I do not miss these things. I do not miss him hurting me. I do miss him buying me flowers, though. I only miss the kind things he did, and he only did those things after he hurt me. I am furious with myself for this. My rage is spilling over in all directions. I feel bad for my friends for knowing me. I wish I could direct my anger solely at him, But I cannot do that when part of me misses him. The anger trampolines its way back at me. I want to tell him he's horrible. I want to tell him I can't believe I ever thought he really loved me. I want to tell him that he acted sadistically, that he lacks a soul, or empathy, and that I hope someone kicks him in the face while he's crying on the floor. I want to say Karma's a way bigger b*tch than I ever was, and now she's got your number, you prick. I am angry that I cannot. I cannot afford to have contact with him. It would hurt me, not help me. Regardless of this, I draft him hateful emails. I will never be able to hit send. I have so much anger inside me, It's making me a sh*tty friend.
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