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Enter Poem or Quote (Required)Required I could shout it on the streets, I could glisten and I could gleam add a shade of every colour and make myself believe that each day I don’t see it, that look on their faces or that I don’t hear them half listen to every word I say. I can pretend that I’ve been saved from it all, been freed from a silence and that I am living my truth but sometimes the truth is far more ugly: it’s the reason you never quite become friends, it’s the reason everything always has an end or how every joke lands at your expense because your sensitivity is clearly the strongest in the room. I’ve always known that my interests just can’t be of interest that my humour is not what’s being laughed at, in those rare moments I feel I can let loose. I’ve been conditioned to not take up space told not to go and shove it in their face yet when this month falls I’m to go and parade? Forgive me if I’m now playing the victim forgetting the sacrifice of so many braver than me, forgetting the privilege of roaming free but when your difference brings you so much pain, when it paints the most prominent double yellow you’ve ever seen, you can’t quite seem to feel proud not even for a month. You think of the secret messages that you’d send to Chris or to Nick or to Jay or to Ben knowing in truth, that you’ll never meet, that you would ignore them if you passed them on the street because it wasn’t you they wanted or they didn’t want what matters; with your clothes still on, the interest just flattens. You think of life events and how you’re still quite far behind you’re surrounded by love but it never quite reaches over, you just float in its orbit and congratulate the others celebrating two or more years soon to be three while you sit alone at home, hoping someone can see that you’re desperate to be held, you’ll take just a few moments at this point, you feel the lovelessness flow through you, and how it stiffens all your joints. A month full of pride? Or is it a month to hide the crippling ripples of shame that stem from a name
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