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Enter Poem or Quote (Required)Required I’m afraid I am rotten. Not on the surface- no, I learned early how to look intact. I learned how to smile without cracking, how to speak softly so no one hears the decay working underneath. Rot is quiet. It doesn’t announce itself. It happens slowly, patiently, in places no one checks. I worry there is something in me that spoiled before it was ever loved. Something that went bad from waiting too long in the dark. Something that learned how to survive neglect but not how to stay whole. People touch me and pull their hands back eventually. They never say why. They just sense it- that faint wrongness, that soft collapse behind the ribs, like fruit bruised too deeply to recover. I try to be careful. I try not to leak. I wrap myself in kindness, in humor, in good behavior- as if sweetness on the outside might cancel out what’s fermenting within. But rot doesn’t disappear because you are gentle. It doesn’t stop because you are trying. I replay every loss like evidence. Every leaving. Every almost-love that stalled and spoiled. I ask myself what they smelled that I couldn’t. Maybe I stayed unopened too long. Maybe I trusted the wrong warmth. Maybe something essential in me was never meant to survive this air. I am afraid I am rotten because no matter how deeply I clean, there is a sadness that keeps resurfacing- not sharp, not dramatic, just sour and persistent. The kind that settles in the chest and convinces you this is who you’ve always been. This is what happens when something good is left waiting too long to be chosen. I fear love will arrive, finally, and find me already ruined. That it will press gently and feel the give. That it will apologize with its eyes and turn away. So I keep myself closed. I keep myself cool. I pretend preservation is the same as safety. But at night, when everything is quiet enough to tell the truth, I press my hand to my chest and wonder- was I always like this, or did the world teach me how to spoil? I’m afraid I am rotten. And more afraid still that no one will ever tell me I am not.
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