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Enter Poem or Quote (Required)Required I don't want to be starting any family wars but hands up if you love your in-laws (long pause) Be warned, yours could be around for 60 years and be ten times worse than your worst fears So I hope Groom you took care with selection of those who'll do constant vivisection and dissection of your most intimate habits and who'll want you to get as busy as rabbits Choosing your in-laws is more important than the bride so I hope with the following rules you did abide I'd go and hide if you've broken just one You'll need a new alias and money to run There are warning signals not to ignore like them wanting keys to your back door or the in-law who's a diabolical snare offering you hand-me-down underwear The underwear's been in the family for generations It's been through trials and constipations Good family relations will not stand a rejection so run away now, or risk an infection And watch out if when you court her the girl always quotes what they've taught her She's their daughter and you have no claim – next they'll insist you take their family name If your mother-in-law always overcooks she's trying to destroy your wife's good looks She doesn't want your hooks on her daughter so fair so she'll make her unattractive with chocolate éclair From what the groom's told me there's cause for concern Every time he sees them they're strangely taciturn It's when they're taciturn you've got to get away because it's more important what they don't say He said her Dad only grunts if he greets him at all and talking to him is like talking to a brick wall He's heading for a fall, like a sick matador It's more serious than the keys to the back-a-door It's not the folios they push on superannuation or their career change 'recommendation' It's not their consternation at his mountains of sin Cor blimey it's worse, they want to move in!
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