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Spike Milligan Short Poems

Famous Short Spike Milligan Poems. Short poetry by famous poet Spike Milligan. A collection of the all-time best Spike Milligan short poems


by Spike Milligan
 Said Hamlet to Ophelia,
I'll draw a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?



by Spike Milligan
 Pussy-cat
What are vices?
Catching rats
And eating mices!

Granny  Create an image from this poem
by Spike Milligan
 Through every nook and every cranny
The wind blew in on poor old Granny
Around her knees, into each ear
(And up nose as well, I fear)

All through the night the wind grew worse
It nearly made the vicar curse
The top had fallen off the steeple
Just missing him (and other people)

It blew on man, it blew on beast
It blew on nun, it blew on priest
It blew the wig off Auntie Fanny-
But most of all, it blew on Granny!

by Spike Milligan
 There must be a wound! 
No one can be this hurt 
and not bleed.
How could she injure me so? No marks No bruise Worse! People say 'My, you're looking well' .
.
.
.
.
God help me! She's mummified me - ALIVE!

by Spike Milligan
 On the Ning Nang Nong 
Where the Cows go Bong! 
and the monkeys all say BOO! 
There's a Nong Nang Ning 
Where the trees go Ping! 
And the tea pots jibber jabber joo.
On the Nong Ning Nang All the mice go Clang And you just can't catch 'em when they do! So its Ning Nang Nong Cows go Bong! Nong Nang Ning Trees go ping Nong Ning Nang The mice go Clang What a noisy place to belong is the Ning Nang Ning Nang Nong!!

Bump  Create an image from this poem
by Spike Milligan
 Things that go 'bump' in the night
Should not really give one a fright.
It's the hole in each ear That lets in the fear, That, and the absence of light!

Why?  Create an image from this poem
by Spike Milligan
 American Detectives
Never remove their hats
When investigating murders
In other people's flats.
P.
S.
Chinese Tecs Are far more dreaded! And they always appear Bare-headed!

Teeth  Create an image from this poem
by Spike Milligan
 English Teeth, English Teeth! 
Shining in the sun 
A part of British heritage 
Aye, each and every one.
English Teeth, Happy Teeth! Always having fun Clamping down on bits of fish And sausages half done.
English Teeth! HEROES' Teeth! Hear them click! and clack! Let's sing a song of praise to them - Three Cheers for the Brown Grey and Black.

by Spike Milligan
 A young spring-tender girl
combed her joyous hair
'You are very ugly' said the mirror.
But, on her lips hung a smile of dove-secret loveliness, for only that morning had not the blind boy said, 'You are beautiful'?

by Spike Milligan
 Why is there no monument
To Porridge in our land?
It it's good enough to eat,
It's good enough to stand!

On a plinth in London
A statue we should see
Of Porridge made in Scotland
Signed, "Oatmeal, O.
B.
E.
" (By a young dog of three)

by Spike Milligan
 I cannot 
and I will not 
No, I cannot love you less 
Like the flower to the butterfly 
The corsage to the dress 

She turns my love to dust 
my destination empty 
my beliefs scattered: Diaspora! 

Who set this course - and why? 
Now my wings beat - 
without purpose 
Yet they speed.
.
.

by Spike Milligan
 If you're attacked by a Lion
Find fresh underpants to try on
Lay on the ground quite still
Pretend you are very ill
Keep like that day after day
Perhaps the lion will go away

by Spike Milligan
 So they bought you
And kept you in a
Very good home
Cental heating
TV
A deep freeze
A very good home-
No one to take you
For that lovely long run-
But otherwise
'A very good home'
They fed you Pal and Chun
But not that lovely long run,
Until, mad with energy and boredom
You escaped- and ran and ran and ran
Under a car.
Today they will cry for you- Tomorrow they will but another dog.

by Spike Milligan
 Two children (small), one Four, one Five,
Once saw a bee go in a hive,
They'd never seen a bee before!
So waited there to see some more.
And sure enough along they came A dozen bees (and all the same!) Within the hive they buzzed about; Then, one by one, they all flew out.
Said Four: 'Those bees are silly things, But how I wish I had their wings!'

by Spike Milligan
 Unaware of my crime 
they stood me in the dock.
I was sentenced to life.
.
.
.
without her.
Strange trial.
No judge.
No jury.
I wonder who my visitors will be.

Me  Create an image from this poem
by Spike Milligan
 Born screaming small into this world-
Living I am.
Occupational therapy twixt birth and death- What was I before? What will I be next? What am I now? Cruel answer carried in the jesting mind of a careless God I will not bend and grovel When I die.
If He says my sins are myriad I will ask why He made me so imperfect And he will say 'My chisels were blunt' I will say 'Then why did you make so many of me'.

by Spike Milligan
 Elephants are contagious!
Be careful how you tread.
An Elephant that's been trodden on Should be confined to bed! Leopards are contagious too.
Be careful tiny tots.
They don't give you a temperature But lots and lots - of spots.
The Herring is a lucky fish From all disease inured.
Should he be ill when caught at sea; Immediately - he's cured!

by Spike Milligan
 My sleeping children are still flying dreams 
in their goose-down heads.
The lush of the river singing morning songs Fish watch their ceilings turn sun-white.
The grey-green pike lances upstream Kale, like mermaid's hair points the water's drift.
All is morning hush and bird beautiful.
I only, I didn't have flu.

by Spike Milligan
 My sister Laura's bigger than me
And lifts me up quite easily.
I can't lift her, I've tried and tried; She must have something heavy inside.

by Spike Milligan
 Go away girl, go away 
and let me pack my dreams 
Now where did I put those yesteryears 
made up with broken seams 
Where shall I sweep the pieces 
my God they still look new 
There's a taxi waiting at the door 
but there's only room for you

by Spike Milligan
 Drake is going west, lads
So Tom is going East
But tiny Fred
Just lies in bed,
The lazy little beast.

by Spike Milligan
 There will be a time when it will end.
Be it parting Be it death So each passing minute with you Pendulummed with sadness.
So many times I looked long into your face.
I could hear the clock ticking.

by Spike Milligan
 Pass by citizen
don't look left or right
Keep those drip dry eyes straight ahead
A tree? Chop it down- it's a danger
to lightning!
Pansies calling for water,
Let 'em die- queer bastards-
Seek comfort in the scarlet, labour
saving plastic rose
Fresh with the frangrance of Daz!
Sunday! Pray citizen;
Pray no rain will fall
On your newly polished
Four wheeled
God

Envoi

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Get it out with Optrex

Halved  Create an image from this poem
by Spike Milligan
 The essence of true beauty
Lingers in all-encompassing rainbows
Of your joy and laughter

You hold my hand and smile
As we ensconce ourselves in our world of fire
Our love is all there is

I touch your face
Your gentleness astounds me
I'm held in the honour of your love

Then overnight, the wrold truns suor
61 mInnIts past the ELevenTHH HouRR
I'M A L 0 N E

by Spike Milligan
 I was thinking of letters,
We all have a lot in our life
A few good - a few sad
But mostly run of the mill-
I suppose that's my fault
For writing to run of the mill people.
I've never had a letter I really wanted It might come one day But then, it will be just too late, And that's when I don't want it.