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Poem	professor piebald (the oldest man in the home) was meek at the same time ribald he clothed his matter (so to speak) in latin and (was it) greek it caused no great offence to nobody did it make sense to make a rude joke in languages nobody spoke once he'd changed the word agenda at a home's committee meeting to pudenda this sort of thing was tolerated by the other inmates (except his younger brother - a dustman all his life who'd robbed the professor of his wife and treated him now with disdainful anger but to everyone piebald was a stranger) well agenda/pudenda hardly ranked as humour but there was rumour piebald was said to have his eye on nelly (frail and pretty in a feathery fashion the sort perhaps to rouse a meek man's passion) she wouldn't talk to him without a tie on one such occasion burst the bubble he spoke (no tie on) she demurred refusing one further word and so the trouble piebald went white all over muttered about being her lover then shouted in a rage (nelly whispered be your age) i - two headed janus - now pingo your anus (less janus - i should have thought - than mars) and pinched the dear frail lady on the arse who died a second then exploded swung a punch so loaded poor old piebald eared it to the floor the other old ones in the room (more excited now than when the flowers came out in bloom) were rushing pushing to the door the brother stood across the fallen man in total icy disdain you academic lily-livered piss of a gnat he hissed - and spat into the piebald twitching face drew back a pace when wham - a seething body like a flung cat lifted upwards into space the younger brother was butted in the belly (who staggered back hit head and made a dying fall leaving a small red zigzag down the wall) then this sizzling flesh-ball fell on fluttering nelly tore at her skirt ripped other clothes apart began kissing her fervently on her agenda te amo te amo te amo te amo (repeating it as though it was the finest latin phrase he'd learned by heart) crying abasing himself to her most wanted gender she more dazed than hurt clutching the virgin fragments of her skirt a simpering victim in the rising clamour old people now outraged beyond controlling through the swing doors pushing tumbling rolling armed with saucepans pokers knives playing the greatest game in all their lives attacked without compunction the frenzied lover at his unction a poker struck him once across the head and professor piebald once meek but ribald dropped down undoubtedly dead and even when the horror had subsided and the arms of justice with their maker were abided nelly stood rocking in her room weeping for the heart-ache in her womb that till then had hardly ever fluttered and (only occasionally) muttered if you have your eye on me - my dear man - put your tie on the home itself was closed a few days after the house is riddled still by ribald laughter
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