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Looking at this through Dad's eyes interpreting his feelings.

My life has been a struggle without you.  I know you cannot see what I am writing, but writing makes me feel closer to you.  My hope is that you can feel my heart even if you cannot see what I am writing.

We had planned to do so many things together with our lives. The dreams of seeing the world and connecting with our family from years past. We waited too long sweetheart because you are no longer here to share these moments.

I feel soulfully alone without you and I visit the closest thing to you that I have left. I trace your name with my fingers on your headstone longing for another moment.

I may be alive, but my heart aches and it’s difficult to breathe. The only thing that keeps me going is the memory of your smile and those legs I fell in love with. 

There were a few things I took care of since you are gone.  I sold the farm as we discussed and sold our belongings.  I regret some of the things sold, but I am preparing for when we meet again. 

I am not sure when my time will be, but I am counting the sunrises and sunsets. You were much younger, and I was supposed to go first. I regret the times I missed to let you know how much I appreciated you.

You know, I had no idea how much work it was to clean the house and pay the bills. Laundry is a real pain, and cleaning the bathroom is not fun at all. My meals have been Egg McMuffins in the morning and anything I can microwave in the evening.

I have become soulfully tired and I sleep with my clothes on top of the bed; It is just easier that way. The sun has set my love and I am about to close my eyes. Maybe tonight will be the night.  I hope you are waiting for me. With all my love, goodnight.

Edward J. Ebbs - January 18. 2018
Watching Dad's Last Days

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