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I have the dentist blues
I have them bad
Have to go to the dentist
For my twice yearly torture session

In order to save my remaining teeth
I must endure the never ending pain

I have the dentist blues
I have them bad

I must have known over 100 dentists
During my 61 years around the sun
Some were good, some were great

A few became friends
A few became enemies

All became richer
From fixing my crooked no good
very bad misbehaving evil teeth

I have the dentist blues
I have them bad
All tortured me
Saying it was for my own good

To save my crooked wicked teeth
My teeth are bad
Wicked, misbehaving
Rotten to the core

And always have
I have the dentist blues
I have them bad

I tried orthodontic braces
As a child

Gave it up as an adult
Did everything except implants

So many crowns
So many root canals
So many pulled teeth

And partial dentures to boot
So much dental work

My teeth are gold plated
Monuments to the dental artistry

I have the dentist blues
I have them bad

A few dentists were exceptionally good
A few exceptionally bad
A few were crooks by and by

I have the dentist blues
I have them bad

My current dentist is good
He keeps the chit chat down

Does not lecture me on his political views
Imagine having a dentist praise GW Bush

Or Trump taking your forced silence
As acceptance of his right wing views

Imagine a dentist talking endlessly
About her children’s latest escapade
While drilling away
Assuming you cared

When all you wanted
Was to end the torture

I have the dentist blues
I have them bad

And imagine a sexy dentist
Or hygienist working away

As you think of her in bed
And can’t get that thought
Out of you head

As they drill and poke
I have the dentist blues
I have them bad

Yes I have a love-hate relationship
With dentists
Can’t stand them
Can’t stand the pain

But they save my teeth
And save my smile

And so I forgive them
One and all

I have the dentist blues
I have them bad
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