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Lewis, Y.K

“Knowing what one is today was decided by one’s choices made yesterday”. Author Unknown.

My heart aches, of loneliness of saying goodbye. Wanting one’s other half, but at what cost? Stolen moments, only remind you that they are just that stolen. Unable to return to sender. How can you give love back, was it ever that? Or a lustful act of an immature heart of a young girl. Still, she feels it today just as yesterday. Intimacy, as pen to hand, hand to paper, paper to ink. That is handled with care, every stroke of the hand that danced along the lines of this page. Feeling the connection of the touch, softly, caressing finger tips gripping the pen, as the rod of his body. Back and forwarded, is her hand, each stroke of each word every letter in every sentence.

So caring, softly touching, his face still all are just that stolen. Unable to erase it, because the ink has stained the paper, unable to forget this, unable to be more than just those moments. Realizing that he was never meant to be yours. My, breath is shallow, my joy is gone. I once said I would give up the past, I didn’t mean him. Fate has her own plans for me. I forgot what I was told in the “LIGHT”, when I was in the dark. Darkness is always easily found. This time, I will be obedient and take my Father’s lead. Once, I didn’t listen and I paid the cost dearly. With sorrow, pain, unhappiness, abuse, sadness, and loss. The price was higher than I imagine, unknowingly I had also enlisted the innocence as co-signers, for my disobedience. 

Traumatic, to endure the loss of a child. So tragic is my story. Being with child, not one but two, so beautiful to me. One is taken in such a violent way, I knew I must be dying. So much blood in this small space. Fear has taken me. Coming home in this drug induced haze I slept. To my surprise one remained, untouched by this cruel act. I heard the closing of the door, as I was awaken by the sound. I walked, into that small space to find that a towel was placed over my child. Unable to see clearly so many tears, I harden my heart with a determination to get through this. I, lovingly removed my child’s remains from the floor of that small space.
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