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Ted hunted high and low when trying to find the perfect wife
She must be subservient and fit in with his mundane life

The Internet looked promising to find a mail order bride,
and soon a special lady could be standing by Ted’s side

The catalogue was full, brides came in all shapes and sizes,
such a variety of colours, each page was filled with huge surprises

Ted’s eyes widened when he saw Svetlana’s pretty face
She had a gorgeous body and her bits were all in the right place

With her long blonde hair and sapphire eyes 
Ted could be the envy of many other guys

Svetlana’s resume said she wanted to marry a foreign man
She was determined to escape from her life in Azerbaijan

Ted contacted a website and said he’d a pay a hefty fee
He wanted to wed Svetlana and he hoped that she’d agree

Ted said he’d pay for Svetlana to visit him in the USA
And if she was suitable they could choose a wedding day

The flight was booked and Ted was getting really excited
He spoke to Svetlana on the phone and hoped they’d be united

At last the big day came and he went to the arrivals hall
Svetlana wasn’t on the flight, oh how Ted’ s face did fall

Suddenly Ted heard someone calling out his name
It couldn’t be Svetlana as her pic was not the same  

This lady was enormous and looked like the back end of a cow
Poor Ted was in a quandary… just what should he do now

Ted went over to her and said there must be some mistake
She said no I am Svetlana, sorry that picture was a fake.

Ted felt so sorry for her and took her to his home
He didn’t want to leave her in the airport on her own

They spent some time together and they got on really well
She was a fabulous cook and Ted’s waistline soon did swell 

Svetlana stayed with Ted and eventually they wed
Ted is really happy now Svetlana shares his bed!


17th February 2017
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