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Afraid of

What am I afraid of...Really.
 is what scares me in thought, silly?
 What I'm afraid of ...
 is my Life never having meaning;
 to never reach my full potential is what my soul be screaming.
 Absolutely no dreaming...
 I'm afraid of the drug...killing me;
 for the Word declares,
 that sin full grown...delights only the enemy.
 I'm afraid of catching these sicknesses, thoroughly checked out
 even got a doctor's pass
 I'm afraid to have a gun
 I'd only use it, to tell the world to kiss my ass.
 I'm afraid I'll have to leave my family
 with which whom this journey began;
 I'm afraid it'll end in poverty 
 and I'll never have had a true friend.
 I'm afraid to stop smoking the drug,
 it has a place with me it's been my friend;
 tangibly....
 I could touch it, taste it, feel it too,
 but I'm scared, cause it manages me.
 I'm scared somehow these bruises on my heart;
 have held me back awhile.
 wondering, pondering inside my mind
 what am I?
 worth to my child.
 I'm scared I'll never be able to tell someone I'm hurt 
 and that life to me is on some bull-S#$t.
 I'm afraid of the circle that goes round in life
 just fire up, another spliff.
 I'm terrified of putting my trust in some of my fellow peers.
 Seems to me what was printed on one's;
 reversed,
in God they have not fear.
 I'm afraid of the titles given by men,
 conforming me to what you say I'll be;
 but my faith's a little higher,
 waiting on the wire, sent by the heavenly's.
 I'm scared that I may not trust too long
 and push love away as I've always done;
 not forgiving myself, dreadful thoughts of the past;
 I know I need the love of the Son.
 No one likes the truth served by pen on paper
 it's short and bitter to the taste.
 Being afraid of what I'm really scared of
 is missing out on the Grace.
 So I've arrived at this point in my penning
 of this little what I'm afraid of ....real and finally;
 is to open my heart, because of hurts in the past,
 to receive HIS love,
 that's given to me....Unconditionally.
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