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In the fall of 1803,
The good ship, “The Queen Ann’s Knees”
Sailed out on the bounding seas.
Out of sight of the land
The captain looked grand
As with little ado
He spoke to his crew:
“Men, I’ve nothing to hide!
You all may have noticed how wide
Is that big blue thing outside,
Just over the railing.
So keep this in mind while we’re sailing;
The ocean is deep and mysterious
And can be at times quite serious.
‘Though I’ve sailed on the water
From Crete and Gibraltar
To the Lesser Antilles,
It still always gives me the willies.”

“But to our duty we shall always adhere.
What that is is however not clear.
I had all of our orders, 
I thought, in my quarters
That in words quite precise
(In fact really nice!)
Told what to do while afloat;
But I left them at home in my coat.”

“But never mind that, we’ll just play it by ear,
And pretend that there’s nothing to fear.”
And so the ship sailed on
Through storm and through calm
Till the month of December
When he said he remembered, 
Using logic deductive,
What the admiral instructed: 
Go to the Sandwich Islands
And bring back two Hawaiians.

So they sailed one morn
Around the Horn
And on into Pacific waters
Where thoughts of their daughters
And wives
Helped to keep most of the men alive.

And many and many a year had passed
When the ship returned, broken, demasted,
And its harbor came into view.
What remained of the crew
Went ashore and disported
While to the Admiral the Captain reported.

“My Admiral, as per your instructions,
Through distress and wanton destructions,
Through monsoons and lagoons
And fearsome typhoons,
We sailed Isles of Sandwich
And in sorrow and anguish
We brought back two Hawaiians
From those far distant islands."

“Jolly good!” the Admiral responded,
“But as I recall, before you absconded
Those many long years ago,
I just asked that you go
To the pub down below
And pick up my lunch
(Or was it my brunch?):
A ham sandwich and a Blue Hawaiian.
So, now that you’ve paid your visit,
My bloody lunch, where the hell is it?”
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