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Poem

Avoided pain is the cause of pain itself
By pain, I learn to control myself 
Because the madness creates the unknown
Where all my past and all my flaws are shown
Through the light unwanted 
By the past that is haunted
The past that doesn't define me
But sometimes takes control of me
Unaware I sit and ponder
While my thoughts are described as somber
A dark and gloomy gaze to take away the pain
Through whatever that can keep me sane 
I will never get bad again
Yet I create signs on my flesh with a homemade pen
Scared of my own self 
Not knowing who controls myself 
The corrupt actions that people brought in my life
Or the hand that holds knife
The constant struggle of consoling people that you're ok
When inside you try to hide the war you might portray
You think the pity will make you weak 
And not being strong enough to achieve the happiness you seek
You are surrounded by the world 
Being just a rock while everyone is a pearl
Trying to fit the mold you never were meant to conform to
Trying to obtain the real you
But not knowing who or what you're obtaining 
Leads to a life that's straining 
Like an endless search to find your shadow in the darkness
When the sky that is, is starless,
I'm not saying I'm not blessed
And I'm not settling this life as my best
I am loved, cared for, important and can make a difference 
But my mind can't fight the ignorance 
I will be ok one day 
Because my God will make a way
But today 
I am only halfway

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