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Poem
Who am I?
Like a caterpiller becoming a moth
I transform and change and rearrange myself
to grow better, to become better, to know God more and more
yet there is this insanity, this madness, this lost of control in the process of giving more than all of your Heart and Mind and Soul to God along with all of your strength. 

Letting everything hang on faith, on the unseen, on trust, on Love of God and Jesus and The Holy Ghost

It's maddening:
To deny yourself, to fight yourself, to let go of control of yourself to God
to feel as if everything is falling apart when it's actually falling into place
to allow yourself to suffer, to be in confrontaiton with the world, to be in confusion
going through the whole spectrum of emotions and remain self-disiplined and controled 
letting go of the old to pick up the new
and all you can do is simply be patient and wait...

All you can do is learn through the experiences that you would never have gone down without God
without blaming God, without cursing God, without being angry with God over what we can't comprehend

So Who will I become? 
Who is the future me going to be...

The closer to God I become, the more I learn of my flaws, of weaknesses, of myself
of all of the areas that I need to improve
where my ego meets humility
where my picture of who I am meets reality

and when you try your best and you fail
or when you don't give your best and you fail
you feel like hell inside
when you care and try and end up losing the battle
you feel like hell and weak and flawed 

and that is the price of caring at times
the price of growing is handling your failures and mistakes 
to keep going and never give up even when you feel like you are on the edge of an abyss
where you can easily slip and throw everything away
into the starless black pit where there is only regret 

So, I raise my glass to the future man I'm going to become
and hope for the best that he made it along
Home with God and Home with Self
Where his insanity is replaced with echoing song...
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