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I Wish I Could Tell You                                      
By: Sarah McFadden
Grade 9


I wish I could tell you
How anxiety holds me in its chains,
Grasping me in its iron clutches,
How the shackles of hopeless, never ending fear
Dig into my ankles.
How sometimes it feels like there is rope wrapped around my chest
Growing tighter and tighter
Until I am choking on my own strangled screams,
Raising a white flag to my demons that won’t cease war with me

I wish I could tell you about
The black hole sitting at the pit of my stomach,
Draining me of my happiness,
Yet somehow leaving me as a shell of my former self,
As if everything that made me able to smile or laugh
Had been scraped out with a knife,
Leaving me with a sadness that burns like
Flames licking at the walls of my chest

How I haven’t cried for real in a long time,
But every time I shed a tear it burns my face like acid,
Bubbling, sizzling
How any spark of joy is evanescent,
Quickly metamorphosing into the deep despair
That I have come to know very well

I wish I could tell you that I’m okay,
That I am not broken beyond repair,
That I can ponder upon the world and see
Chances, opportunities, and reasons to be happy,
That I can think about the beauty of life
And not so much about the beauty of death,
But I made a promise that no matter
How many times I lie to myself,
I would never lie to you.

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