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Unquotable quotes: Nurses – XIX

A nurse well-dressed is a nurse well-thought of, even if she administers the coup de grace.
Prick a nurse and she’ll pamper you; pamper a nurse and she’ll prick you.
Displease a nurse and no doctor can save you.
Report a nurse’s malfeasance and you’ll find yourself on a stretcher at the morgue’s entrance. (This is from personal experience.)
A nurse a night can make a patient feel much better over-night –
since the bed is paid for already for the price. 
Always address a nurse as “doctor”; she’ll not think you need a doctor.
Always make it a policy of hoarding the presents you receive on your hospital bed; the nurse will almost certainly help you lighten the load.
To relieve the back psychological itch, always ask the nurse to scratch your back facing you.
When the nurse is absent from the ward, so is the ward doctor.
Always ask the nurse how she spells her first and last names while pretending to write on a pad; you’re bound to raise her hopes about the contents of your last will and testament.
Always remove the ring on your third finger whenever a nurse enters your room.
In the presence of the nurse, always remark aloud how the nurse’s uniform fits her Brigitte Bardot form.
Never fail to attribute the low humming and buzzing sounds emanating from nurses around hospital beds to Maria Callas. 
Whenever a nurse approaches your bed, just whistle: “Jeepers, Creepers, Where d’ya get those eyes?”
Must the percentage of patients dying in hospitals always stay the same when nurses go on strike?
Marry a nurse and become an eternal patient.
A nurse in need calls a Hemingway to arms.
A nurse in bed raises the Dead.
Nurse a nurse and you’ll always be fed…..up!

© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2016

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